here's the heartbreaker.

2011-05-25T22:16:00.001+08:00

hello.
because of things, that have cropped up,
I've moved to...

fortitudablity.tumblr.com

twentyfifthglitterspark.

2011-05-25T21:34:00.003+08:00

credits to fuckyeahdshinee.tumblr.com .

for giving us a wonderful leader that loves chicken,
for giving us the dino vocalist with killer vocals,
for giving us the almighty multi talented singer/rapper/dancer,
for giving us a rapper exuding with flaming charisma,
for giving us a dancer that constantly amazes us,

for making an awesome debut with Replay,
for becoming the Romeos of Juliettes,
for giving Shawols worldwide our SHINee World,
for making me fall in love via Ring Ding Dong,
for being able to achieve such fame and recognition within such a time frame,
for amazing everyone with Lucifer,
for charming us with Hello,

for giving us the light and shine in our lives,
for being the motivation in my life, especially during a crucial period,
for giving me friends that are extremely wonderful and dear,
for being the five shining stars in the sky,

Thank You.
happy SHINe3anniversary~

it's just a dream but how I wished it could be real.

2011-05-22T08:30:00.002+08:00

thank you to everyone for the awesome gifts on my birthday (which btw was more than 5 days ago) heehee^^ I love you guys a lot, I LOVE YOU JE VOUS AIMEZ SARANGHAEYO. :D

so what's been happening is that I got back some more lecture tests, I didn't do well in one particular test and it's kinda disappointing. but it thought me that, though we might be good in one subject in secondary school, but when it comes to JC, we'll meet so many people who is our match too, and compared to them they might be better at it. so, the remedy will be more practice, and revision. (: focus and concentration too!

by the way, apologies for the super long time frame between this post and the last post. but then, I don't think anyone reads this blog anyways, based on the tagboard and the many unknown people that spam on it and leave really weird messages. blogskin is back to SHINee ((: after a crazy and confusing period, plus plus I really need to do important things now. life is starting to get more controlled, and I might as well be able to survive. hopefully.

Aristal was a BLAST :D thank you NJMD for the wonderful moments and memories (and photos of course (: ), and spending rehearsals with you guys are always wonderful days, never boring or sad ones. I know it's only been approx. 2 months since i joined, but in a way they've helped me change a huge part of myself that I previously thought it would be impossible to. so I'm grateful ^^ the finale was brilliant and stunning. and Duong your solo was super COOL! you've done well trust me, birthday neighbour! and the best part is when classmates came down to support: Qingtuck, Kevin and Yuting. plus some OG mates too, it was really appreciated, thank you for coming down to support!
the sad thing is that I didn't take photo with Claudia and Xin Yi D: oh but never mind HAHA.

and just when I'm starting to feel that I'm slowly getting control of what's happening, I just realized that there's a whole pile of things that I haven't do, and I have to reply FB and text messages, reply emails, do GPP and some other stuff online. oh dear. well, let the crazy cycle of things happen again. (: stress is just a common thing right now, I've got to say.

what happens, if there's still feelings for a person? someone that, most definitely won't have feelings? or worse, someone who already has set eyes for someone else, and it is pretty obvious? it's not about me though, but what if. what if that kind of situation has swallowed me up? how will I manage, and how will I still be strong enough to put a barrier between my emotions, and my studies as well as my physical health. because every single thing, I've come to learn, has more intertwined links with other factors, more obvious and more strong than I can even think of. it feels stupid, not knowing about these.

brave the storm through the many difficulties. there's a world, that I've seen where it has gone through so much that I don't think I could even survive in that world. but that world, amazingly has managed to pull through all the obstacles, the lemons that life and destiny has given it, all the barbed wire that can definitely create an injury or two here and there, and survive, much stronger than before. the aura given, is more bright, shining and definitely conspicuous. and sometimes, when I step back, and just let everything swirl into a myriad of colours, there's always the little nudge that says, hey, why can't you be like that. and it makes the past experiences, or basically the past a minuscule problem. and it makes me feel
STUPID.
why wasn't I able to overcome those barriers, that might seem huge but actually is small. why wasn't I able to climb even a small hill. look at that world, there's so many Everests and Atacama Deserts and yet, still manage to survive. I don't know, I don't know. and in the end, the question is unanswered, and everything comes back to the same, monochromatic dazed situation it originally used to be.
but maybe the key is within eyes's sight, within arms' reach, within a stone's throw away. and maybe, it might be the answer to everything that I've believed in. in fact, it most definitely is.

OH by the way, I absolutely love After School's Shampoo. the MV really captures, and I like the storyline because well, I guess it's engaging? plus B2ST's Fiction :D haha the shuffling feet move during the chorus is pretty cool! then SHINee's Replay teaser for the Jap version came out and I can't wait for the full MV to come out! ((: Code-V is making a comeback, Boyfriend released the teaser for Water Floor and I just saw Block B's perf for Wanna B on Mucore and Mubank and Zico looks much much better. okay, one whole chunk of Kpop. haha. (:

speaking of which, the water's turning blue.

week 60 ends.

2011-05-05T23:25:00.002+08:00

fine, there was lecture tests assignment quizzes and a whole load of crap that happened...
so I shall take a breather and try to go through everything with a positive, high mind. because it'll get worse and I trust myself. I hope. because well, heart has been cheating me for the past couple of weeks.
for example, I told myself, from the deepest chasms of my heart, please, don't cry. just try to close the tap. but I couldn't, I just had to wear the heart on my sleeves. it's really not good because... I don't know. I just feel like it.
continuation:
lecture tests assignment quizzes extra homework makeup sessions CCA lost friends stressed out life exploded mind STRESS STRESS STRESS.
khali khali khali.

everything is just spinning like the planets rotation in the Solar System and it's simply a huge mass of blurred colours and... I don't know. I really DON'T KNOW. I can't control, it's difficult to just grab the problem by its hands and just shake it by its shoulders, telling it to behave. because too much things have been going on, especially the part 2 weeks.
it's been a break from poetic transcriptions and codenames, substitutions, cipherations, treasure chests and lost keys.
because I am tired. I want a break, and I want to just talk to one person ONLY.
this one person whom, I don't know. I still don't know what's going on, I thought something would happen but... again, I don't know what on earth is going on.
standing on 2 feet itself is a chore by itself and it's just too much.
some time alone, for self-reflection. for ranting. for screaming and just venting what is in mind. for curahan hati sessions.

lights go on again/still the same.

2011-05-01T02:55:00.003+08:00

and the world was quiet,
the autumn leaves rustle.
quiet, with no footsteps, and the drop of a pin
reverberating through the sphere.

questions and the occasional gulp;
for certain dark secrets aren't meant to be shared.

wanted to get closer, to touch the glass dome;
the dream of being inside, and letting the grass run free;
but when the hammer strikes from a land elevated high
cracks and shatters the priceless surface,
abrasions on parallel reality.

the awkward feeling of trying to get something
but simply gun shot away from our bleeding hands.

unknowingly, as the hunter leaves the exploding
beach hut,
pearlescent blue lightsticks illuminate the fisherman's boat
set on course for an unknown destiny,

there is a key at the bottom of the shark's bay.
and a new treasure
is found, suddenly visible
beneath the thousand layers of autumn leaves falling.

though unscathed, with cuts and bruises as the mark of aperture and
loyalty,
and though the forest was littered in fire's remnants and debris,
captured polaroids and negatives won't be enough
to capture the eyes' beholding beauty.

for it was still suburban dreams,
as lights go on again.

confusion, II

2011-04-25T22:46:00.002+08:00

for even though this link may be forbidden;
but I'll come and try to save
the friend trapped within inside.

for even when the guard refuses entry into the compound,
but I'll find the hidden passageways
and rescue the friend that longs for the freedom to sunshine.

confusion and conflict; I don't know what to do.
I've been turned away from the shop,
prevented from the object I most desire, the one that has caught my eyes.
but fear flames in the eyes
why?
apparently links that might be as soft as
raffia strings
can't seem to be broken, NO, not even with the strongest pair of scissors.

the battle in my head is not over,
and I can't let it possess me. for it will bring heavy damage,
a portal to doom and destruction.
NO
should I rescue that friend then?

questions to self, to ponder, to wonder.
but what if, the capacity can't be maintained?

at the end, the only way is to
sacrifice.
even though it may cut a piece of the heart
that is already hurt,
but in the light that gloom is a necessity;

so be it.

HCL KI KCl.

2011-04-24T18:11:00.001+08:00

comme eclipse.

2011-04-23T14:20:00.002+08:00

where did I go wrong, I lost a friend.
but not because I didn't know how to save a life.
I still can't figure out why.
the few listening ears left, the one that I told some of my secrets to.
but why, between the walls, it is now silence, closed lips, a frosty throat?
maybe, maybe somehow
we're not meant to be?
maybe it's fatigue. or laziness. or the fact that schedules are meant to be fulfilled.
but what if it's about me? something deep inside the well,
where no groundwater can be drawn out?
I wish pink clouds do exists,
and so do walking mannequins that play with pillows, cake and champagne.
I look at the faces...
do they mean well?
for reading faces and expressions is not as simple as showing colourless and pink in phenolphthalein.
tell me, please. I can't afford to ruin a rainbow serenade.

life has been a messups, couple of confusions and problems happened. but hey, JC life is like that. if I can't cope now then life in the working world is going to get a heck lot worse than now. so, guess perseverance is the key. for now, sacrifices have to be made, tears have to be shed, emotions released, bottles shattered. but it's all worth it. we are busy busy people, quoted by Qingtuck (:
by the way, there's this really nice Hong Kong dessert house at AMK that's really nice and the best part is, it's HALAL :D after having lunch at LJS with classmates (11SH20 FTW yay :D), Xian Yun, Yi Qing and I went there and the Muar Chee is absolutely delicious! but I prefer the peanut flavour (: anyways, the Mango Pomelo was really nice, thank you both of you! (: we should go there again. (:

is love merely the motion, the wave,
a mere emotion?

in the coroner's.

2011-04-20T23:52:00.002+08:00

I can't.

the feelings of...of not being to be accepted, it just suddenly hits me. I thought I could cope. and that was what I've been trying to delude myself into thinking for the past one week. until now, when I saw those comments on something weirdly wonderful yet hurting.

won't talk to me that often.
but I still cherish, I still like.
this feeling still inside.
won't stick with me that often.
so now I regret even showing the secret, even exposing the truth and revealing what's hidden beneath the treasure chest.
why did I fall into traps that even a blind man can sense, feel. why was I so
STUPID?
we're still friends but I'm not sure.
I'm confused, sad,
maybe a mixture. but I definitely don't feel good.
I wish I could tell how I feel because
bottling up is most definitely not the best solution.
but then by telling, it'll be the worse thing ever
to having extremely damaged hair.
what should I do.

white dress and black rooks.

2011-04-10T21:23:00.002+08:00

Ok.

To sum up everything... Weirdly amazing. Oh, and superbly tiring too, but hey, so far it's ok. I hope (:
this whole week was non-stop training! Not literally 24/7 training, but I have training every single day from Monday to today... And it's going to continue. Though it may be tiring but I LOVE IT.

GOLD WITH HONOURS, we can do it! Jiayou awesome people, you know who you are! ((: let's show that we deserve this, that our hard work and sweat blood tears, every single drop of them is worth it. And I love every single member of this family because this family, is really special and one of a kind. Something that has helped me be sane and keep calm cool and collected. I love Sara's beautiful composition, I love the song costume choreography steps formation props EVERYTHING. Tuesday and Thursday!

Anyways, Thursday was SHINee Jonghyun oppa's 21st birthday! it would be the norm to post a birthday card but really, schedule is too hectic to the extend that when I lie down being idle, I'll feel this weird pang of guilt. So I've no choice but to just post like this... And happy birthday to Co-Ed's Chanmi unnie, I miss your short blonde hair especially in Bbiribbom Bbaeribbom! :/

confusion.
When I look at the eyes, momentarily stunned; captured by enchantment.
Flawless were the hands,
the transition from a step... to another step.

it was not the beginning yet, when it came,
the era and break of dawn.
and existence of the sacred heart was
unfamiliar.

But wait, see the traffic lights in the night...

drawn together with two invisible bonds,
the forces unknown,
unexpected,
unaware by the speed.
Is love the mere building of a wall with bricks and cement, the mere special meeting, a mere
Emotion?

confusion.
As the choice to make
ended up in a crossroad to take.

The one to catch
or the one to be seen?
will there be a time where everything would just
STOP
and the beauty, oh so mesmerizing.
is it possible, that something would happen, away, away...

let the hourglass invert,
grapes soaked in acid and flesh,
with themes of
Infatuation.

lenggang, zapin, joget...

2011-03-17T23:05:00.001+08:00

So for the past few days I've been having training and clocked up about 16hours of training which is really exhausting. Twirls and leaps, positioning.

But it's all for SYF YES :D

Though there's so many bruises gained, especially with an ugly one on my hip, and not to mention the cuts and blisters on my feet, but as the saying goes, no pain no gain.

When I first started, I had this cliché feeling of fear, the fear of not being able to fit it, or the fear of really being too strange such that people won't talk to you. But all those were wrong.

NJMD has given me lots of things that I'm really blessed to have. Maybe it's a blessing, something to relieve the pain I had been facing through during the last couple of months last year. Come to think of it, I think so (: anyways, I'm really happy to be part of the MD family - a family that works together, sticks together through thick and thin, put aside differences and always constantly seeks to improve ourselves, not only by improving individuals, but others as well. Though training is physically demanding, and quite tiring honestly, but somehow, without all those, it's as though something is missing from life. Very weird, they say.
I love you guys, every single one of you <3 thank you so so much for being a wonderful part in my life, and for giving me so many happy memories though it's only been one months since I joined. Thank you for all the times you have supported me, and showed me care and concern. RIGHT BACK AT YA :D

Let's get Gold with Honours for SYF, do our school and seniors proud, but also the most importantly : make ourselves proud of what we achieved. Because I feel that we have improved a lot since we started, or rather since I started. (: and Im really proud of what we have achieved, though I'm only a newcomer and all...

Being different doesn't mean that we can be one.
NJMD :D

dish dish bish.

2011-03-06T22:49:00.002+08:00

my younger brother is being a bish. honest.
10 reasons why:

1. he wakes me up when I'm sleeping to guess what? help him with his homework. hello, think what, my JC life is so free? I need my rest too you know? common sense tells you not to disturb someone when they are sleeping, or has that not gone into your head yet huh?!

2. everytime he has a problem with comprehension, he'll ask me to read the ENTIRE comprehension then answer the question. it's really just a waste of time. and the passages can be up to 3 pages long (like what happened just now).

3. he bugs me EVERYTHING about football and spend like what, 75 dollars on one freaking Man U t shirt? I got a French national team one for 20 bucks and of the same quality! he'll go like "oh you know so-and-so? from so-and-so team?" I do NOT want to know anything else about football, though I'm a fan of Man U! btw, he stole my Man U poster too, bloody *******.

4. he crumpled my SHINee poster. now there's a freaking big crease on Taemin oppa's face.

5. he borrows my stuff without permission, and does NOT return them back until reminded. like my calculator and phone...

6. he plays with his own football EVERYWHERE, he kicks it everywhere and knocks some of my stuff which is extremely annoying. one time he kicked it at my butt, wth. bish bish bish.

7. he stalks me EVERYWHERE at times. when I need some time alone he will follow me EVERYWHERE, even to my room and the toilet. it's creepy and it honestly freaks me out. and I hate it when my privacy is invaded.

8. uses the com for HOURS, for what? to check football updates. and it's always ALWAYS when I want to do work. seriously, he can check the next day or he could have checked it earlier right?

9. I'm in the bathroom and he suddenly knocks on the door for NO apparent reason. then he will make drum beats. annoying times 2. very VERY annoying.

10. he uses tissues and leaves them EVERYWHERE! it's really disgusting! especially when he's sick? plus the fact that sometimes when I'm really annoyed at him, he hides my stuff and I have to waste an extra 10 minutes finding it. if not, everytime my grandma calls every night, although he's way nearer to the phone he'll ask me to answer, and I'll run over with my mouth full of food to answer the call. plus the fact then he'll read the newspaper, and leave it where it was and not put back. or the fact that he falls asleep on the sofa almost every single night on his homework and making a huge puddle of sweat on the sofa next morning. or the fact that when he does Isya' prayers, he'll go "give me some light" and I have to leave the light on even though I'm very sleepy and I need to sleep and when I fall asleep he won't bother to turn off my room light for me. or the fact that he falls asleep on my bed which I do NOT allow anyone elses to sleep unless I give permission. or the fact that he borrows my books, and never return. or the fact that he simply don't know when to use a dictionary, and when NOT to use a dictionary.

okay, so that's my rant. bish bish bish.

06031995(:

2011-03-06T00:46:00.001+08:00

happy birthday to Jin Hyewon, Co-Ed School's one star vocalist and rapper! ~한별혜원~

I don't CARE.

2011-03-05T19:17:00.002+08:00

due to time constraint and other stuff I don't really update this blog often, heh. still. (: p.s. omgoodness Yvonne how the heck do you write such long posts?!?

okay. (:
school's tiring. honest. it's like studying for O Levels every single day - it's really important to have constant revision (which reminds me, I have homework to do :P) if not we'll just lose ourselves in the sea of complex information and unfathomable equations, and we'll drown... which sooner or later we might not have the ability to get up. but it's fun, really. every single day, though tiring it may be, but I enjoy every single day to the max. unlike the past, I actually look forward going to school (but not because of the lessons puh-lease.)
11SH20! my awesome class with awesome friends ((: but I still miss my outrageously great OG10. :D my PW group is also cool cause I see the others every time except GP (except for one guy whom I share the exact schedule with) so yup yup!
and CCA is :D

okay enough about school for today. but it doesn't mean that today's post is ending! someone's birthday is tomorrow yay. and I saw ZE:A's new MV pics, it really reminds me of Hello MV setting, with all the shops and all. I really hope they can provide us with something fresh but doesn't really deviate from their main style. cause I'm used to seeing them in the Mazeltov-Level Up-All Day-ish kind of concept and it'll probably be hard and I'll take some time to digest a cute, prince-charming-like kind of concept. btw, B2ST's Shock Jap version MV is super cool and Yoseob still looks GORGEOUS but haha, my bias is Ki Kwang. (: I like Dalmatian's new concept, looks fresh and new... and Teen Top's Supa Luv remix, AWESOME TTM. ChunJi can SING, please go and see the Music Core perf of their remix!

I need to lose weight.

I hate the fact that despite constantly reminding people about basic stuff, it just gets forgotten. I'm not implying this to anyone, I'm just stating it as a matter of fact. but what's worse is that there's this person, who has given me a 'promotion' - from super good friend to stranger on the road. and that pisses me off to some extent, but disappoints me even more. and the regret of even starting this friendship sinks in even more. but hey, guess what, there's an increase in the drive to just do something nasty. I am no longer the person who has a red riding hood right beside her every single time, because I've grown.
they say that deleting someone from the heart is really hard, but in this case, it's as easy as writing the letter A.

I rather be friends with a nerd than a bitch.

03031993 & 03031989 (:

2011-03-03T18:59:00.001+08:00

happy birthday to Lee Soomi, Co-Ed School's 'smile-ing' leader! ~미소수미~

happy birthday to Lee Soomi, Co-Ed School's 'smile-ing' leader! ~미소수미~
happy birthday to Kang In Oh/Noori, Co-Ed School's 'balance-d' vocalist & rapper! ~가온누리~

23021988(:

2011-02-23T01:07:00.001+08:00

happy birthday Kevin oppa! saengil chukha hamnida (:

definition.

2011-02-21T18:50:00.001+08:00

School's tiring, class's cool, OG 10's still awesome, and life sucks. Well except for a bag of candy that my CCA friend gave, a really special persona, a crush, paper protection and the occasional slip-up which seriously can't be avoided at times.

Not going to be the same... But hey, I'm loving it! :D

Life's now like a bitch honestly. And seriously, some people are really... It's like should I take them seriously? It's also kinda weird, that a separation I thought would be painful turned out just fine. In fact, there's now some more sunshine. (: I have my own way, others do. And all the broken promises...

FORGET IT. bygones are bygones. Gonna be ok without why oh.

I miss my darling quartet btw ):

11021992(:

2011-02-11T23:55:00.002+08:00

happy birthday Dongjun oppa! saengil chukha hamnida (:

09021989(:

2011-02-09T22:22:00.003+08:00

happy birthday Junyoung oppa! saengil chukha hamnida! (:

sandaled heart.

2011-02-07T21:59:00.001+08:00

maybe we're not meant to be.

I guess it's true then that love is blind. I don't want the same thing to happen again because it'll definitely make me miserable again...and I don't want another repetition of the past. I don't want;
but why am I so SO stupid to have gone one step away and not become the norm anymore? Why was I so dumb as to do such a thing?

I've lost the one thing that has given me the extra glimmer of hope, and now I'm afraid. I'm scared and that's why I'm not exactly what people would call happy. What if I lose it forever? when I first saw, I thought hey, maybe there's a chance. Maybe something can happen finally. But then, this crazy thing just happened and next thing I know, it's on the brink of losing something really precious… forever.

I'm sorry, I really am. maybe we're not meant to be huh. it sucks to break away but I have to accept fate. it's the end unfortunately... and a long period of solitude even before I come back again.

we don't feel the same and I'm really confused as what to do next... At first I thought that, maybe it could be solved. but now, I don't think I'm able to mend anything anymore.

just put the blame on me okay. it's all my fault and I admit it. I can't do anything else but to just stare, at those two eyes like before, someday hoping...

something would happen.

drop the act, stash the secret papers.

2011-02-06T00:08:00.001+08:00

(psst, this blogging app is super awesome :D)

it's really cold here for some apparent reason but still able to go through life, if that's what people say... Compared to my friend Rozanna who is always super warm to the extend that I thought she came out from an oven! (: ok, it's a bit of in thing also...

never mess with destiny. that would be disastrous, and bring about unfortunate consequences.

the past week has been... absolutely fantastic awesome superb brilliant supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. :D orientation was a freaking blast!! OG 10 SARANGHAEYO <3 they really are awesome. Where else would it be found, people who would be brave enough to shout MY MELONS ARE BIG! while holding two watermelons in their hands? and people that seem to have an endless list of jokes, people that are really nice and accept the rest for who they are, though crazy they seem to be?

people that:
never let a dull moment exist,
having a seemingly never ending book of jokes,
care about others, treasure things and be nice and kind,
and the most, making me feel that I was belonged.

it's something got to do with my past - and I have no intention to write a long, grandmother story about it. let bygones be bygones... I don't want to think about my past for it will stir up bad things in me again - and I don't wish to.

OH AND BTW THERE'S THIS REALLY GORGEOUS PIC OF ONEW OPPA THAT IS EH MY GOODNESS FREAKING... well, GORGEOUS. too bad I didn't save it in my phone and I think it'll be a hassle to search in the net. Oh wells, maybe I'll re-edit some other day.

something also happened that made me really pissed off and disappointed. and then develop feelings of dislike that I can't really remove right now. So, please just get a life and stop doing this to me. besides, it ain't my fault. I wish that I could live back the days where we'd just cherish each other and just don't care about everything, a time where we'd play with Barbie dolls and do each other's hair... But it seems the once lived memory is now a fantasy in the cloud kingdom. there's nothing to say.

P.S. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY AWESOME FRIEND SIYAN!! <3 you were the first person that I met in NJ and since them you've brought me joy and happiness in my life... I really feel blessed to have you as my friend. And sorry that I keep showing my childhood photo to you about 4 times (or maybe more ): )

six lands;

2011-01-25T14:23:00.003+08:00

so today I tried making BIBIMBAP which by the way is Korean mixed rice with vegetables. it's really healthy because I think 60% of it is vegetables (: and it's filling too! wanted to take pics of me preparing step by step but haha, guess I forgot :P but I took the final product:

my own bibimbap which consists of: beansprouts, spinach, shredded carrot, japanese cucumber, ground beef, shiitake mushrooms and a fried egg! it's suppose to be sunny side up but EPIC FAIL :P but in all, DELICIOUS.

purple hue therapy;

2011-01-24T13:58:00.004+08:00

Dear A,

please don't fall back. don't collapse. just believe in this small self of yours and you'd be fine. I know how much you had to go through, especially at midnights. but please, stay strong.

love, milly.

anyways, I found out this really awesome websited where they have great GIMP scripts (don't bother asking, there's something called the freaking INTERNET) and let's just say I twiddled here and twiddled there, so here are the results!

original photo was this:

then I did 4 different effects on it, for the sake of fun...

yay. GIMP the awesome.(:
it's therapy for today.

motorized heart.

2011-01-23T22:31:00.003+08:00

Tokio Hotel - Automatic
image from Google Image search,
brushes from deviantart.

Dear A,
firstly, let me ask you an important question. how stupid are you? you get hurt by the same person almost on a daily basis and common sense would have told you to just let go of that person and don't think about her in the first place. but why do you still keep clinging on to that friend as though you're so afraid to let go, so afraid to lose anyone? I know maybe it's cause of the past but HELLO, let bygones be bygones. life isn't all about that person. cherish all the other wonderful things that life has to offer. get a life, and move on.

you ask me why I didn't visit you as often. that's because I knew you had changed, from last time. and I can see a significant amount of change in you. you're no longer the small little girl that would cry almost every single thing, no longer the person who would give up easily. but it's as though that old self is coming back. and I'm coming back, I'm paying you a visit to warn you, to help you and to push that little personality trait of yours away. because I love you.

there are so many friends out there. the ones whom you think aren't significant actually are. those that are so much more better than the current ones whom you think you share this super super special, important, bond with them but in reality, let me tell you, those who you think really care about you, they don't know you well and so do you. like your hoobae? have you noticed how many times she has helped you, given you advice and really, makes you happy even in the darkest of moments? and yet you don't treasure. your eyes are all in the wrong place.

you accuse others of being blind, but you yourself are blind. Your life is short - every human's life is extremely short compared to life in the Alam Barzagh and in Syurga - so why not devote yourself spiritually, pray and constantly think of Allah S.W.T. because He will always be there for you no matter what? why, why why?

how stupid are you, to refusing to adapt to change, be stubborn and superbly sensitive? how stupid are you to get hurt over all the small, nitty gritty things? even after what the doctor said? you still don't want to change. it's better to reprimand you now, because then only will the message sink in. don't you dare become like Umbridge, who forced Harry to write 'I must not tell lies' with his own blood. don't expect things around you to change. YOU yourself has to change first, as quoted in the Quran. then only will Allah S.W.T. help you.

but I believe in you. I believe you can be aware, that you can change. because you CAN, and you can do it. you have the ability to persevere, and be brave. there's a treasure chest of courage within you that you didn't know.

even if the world turns their back against you, I'll be here for you, always.
♥, milly

cats and kittens.

2011-01-21T18:39:00.002+08:00

Hi guys thanks so much for being my 'sidekicks' during GDA just now where we became super fangirls, getting super excited at every performance and commenting on weird stuff which I remembered there were but my memory's failing now. and Manager, you saw my entire collection of albums eh? Onew, SARANGHAEYO, you're awesome really. gosh, it's random! and the mags, though they were Indonesian but who the freaking heck cares when there's awesome pics to gaze upon eh? (:

20011990 (:

2011-01-20T19:07:00.001+08:00

happy birthday to Lee Kwanghaeng, Co-Ed School's 'rascal' vocalist and rapper! ~악동광행~

2011-01-20T18:48:00.004+08:00

STATE OF THE UNION

IN:
HOOBAE:D
choreography
the number 2.

OUT:
broken promises
water bottles with no water in them
Jelly.

2011-01-19T22:44:00.001+08:00

I LOVE TWITTER. ;)

dia atau dia.

2011-01-19T16:23:00.002+08:00

in lieu of recent events, I have two major things to say. of course, they will be rephrased so as to not make any direct connections with anyone or anything.

so firstly, I've kinda observed something. Generation gap plays the main reason for many conflicts around the world. the older generation, or whatever term used to call them, they're able to face tough challenges, obstacles and hardship in their life. obviously it's because they have experience and have faced these kinds of things before. thus, it is a little rare to see them complaining about the pain, the hardship, the brutal treatment that they receive. however, noticeably, the younger generation or whatever term again, give them the same amount of hardship and challenges their sunbaes face and they can't take it. so they complain, throw tantrum, sue, retaliate, then pack their things and leave for a better life.

cruel as it seems, I think it's the truth in my perspective. and then the whole cycle starts again. it's impossible to say who's right and who's wrong at times because each personality trait has both advantages and disadvantages.

then soon, friends become enemies, and a strong relationship (or what may be a strong relationship in the eyes of others,) becomes destroyed. HELLO, where is the love? it is utter waste to build a building when in the end we ourselves, with our own hands destroy it.

secondly, instead of maintaining trust between each other, what comes out now is suspicions. take for example:
two girls, A and B are in the same school. A doesn't like B and starts to pick on her, insult her and becomes mean. B is a well-behaved and honest girl who on the other hand does not retaliate but rather remains the way she is, well-behaved. then, because of an event, A realizes her mistakes and sees that her attitude isn't that exemplary and starts to act nice to B, giving apologies and rendering her help in whatever way.

last time, people would feel that A has genuinely turned over a new leaf and is trying to learn from her mistakes, be a better person and improve herself, by being nice to B. that was what people thought in the past, I presume. (it's in my perspective, I repeat. I might be wrong though.) now, instead of believing that A has turned over a new leaf, now people think that A does not mean what she does and she simply does that to take advantage of B and ultimately hurt her more.

in this situation, it is again, the case of whether to believe or not to believe. it makes judgement even harder than tearing off a pineapple skin with our teeth. then confusion comes in and a stupid battle forms in our heads. like as though we don't have enough things to worry about.

I have no solutions because hey, those are just my opinions. I don't even want to think of a solution because there's too much in my mind. so there, that's what I have to say.

anyways, yesterday I went to Marina Barrage with some friends (#Onew and #Jonghyun were there, shall not divulge who else were there) and it wasfun (: I loved the water park, or whatever it is called. had a picnic and saw a sunburst + a faint rainbow amidst strong wind, colourful kites and green green grass. I'd like it if it happened again (:
plus, getting what I've wanted...soon. patience is the KEY ;)

and, I don't care what's happening anymore. the window that used to be open, the window where things can be hurled at (nice and bad things) is now closed. I'm disappointed, and I cry about it at times, but when I think about it - if I investigate I could be caught prying into other people's lives but if I don't, I'll continue to push myself more pain and hurt. so I've decided, I don't freaking CARE anymore. my only hope is that someday, that person wil wake up and see what's happening to me.

mint.

2011-01-15T18:54:00.000+08:00

Interviewer: "In the dream team recording, Minho and Taemin got close to one another."

Taemin: "*laughs quietly* "Well, uhh, by pure accident actually, me and Minho kind of brushed lips in the hug, i jumped a little too hard, and he caught me an-"

Interviewer: "Wait, so you two are saying you kissed?"

Minho: "uh, yes.."

EPIC.

anyways, back to )): mood.

tilly, milly.

2011-01-14T18:52:00.003+08:00

so be the dawn of a new day, the mist on the glass,
raindrops descending from heavenly skies.
hemispheres crack, the core explodes, mantle melting.
there was nothing wrong.
but then came the newspaper
GASP.
she felt her heart in her mouth, a swarm of things in her stomach.
no, she said, please don't...
but it was fate.

breathing heavily, mist camouflaged against the crowd,
she stood alone, shivering in her fear,
bearing the brute of the pain, trying her best to say.
crystal was coming, and it came.
colours swirled around her, the miasma of a rainbow, the epitome of failure.
but all she could see was the black darkness.
not even illuminated by the light of a small candle.

"why?" wae, pourquoi, not even any language could express
the scream that was muted
by the cold hostile air.

and all this time she thought she was good.
accepted.
at least, being loved.

but no, obviously by the television, it was not like that.
it was never meant to be that.
blind, oblivious. couldn't see, couldn't hear, the 5 senses vanishing into nothingness.
the fool, yes she was.

a fool because shards of glass clouded her head, as she thought how stupid she was.
a fool because she was eaten by a ferocious lion that was unlike Aslan.
a fool to overestimate herself and conquer the world.
a fool for getting deluded, slapped, betrayed, and hurt.
a fool because she loved someone, but that love was fake.

so be the red, crimson, dark vermillion.
as she slowly reconciles with her true fate.
silver pens and autumn leaves;
lips tight as she wait for the moment;

to feel free.

2011-01-13T00:52:00.001+08:00

switched to a plain blogskin because I want to be free.
and I have my own reasons.

wo8g74v690bgiale

2011-01-11T23:55:00.004+08:00

I don't know.

maybe it's because I overestimated myself.
maybe it's because 1.00 plusplus in the morning was my best friend. was.
maybe it's because some fine lines meant to be drawn are simply erased.
maybe it's because tears can have the property of Niagara Falls.
maybe it's because I should have slammed the door close, hanged up the telephone, shut the jar lid and screamed until my voice isn't there anymore.
maybe it's because top ain't top anymore.
maybe it's because I'm getting slapped smack in the face for something that I didn't even do, for goodness sake.
maybe it's because there are green and yellow rings on my fingers that are invisible.
maybe it's because some crystal balls are simply, crystal balls.
maybe it's because my throat is acting up on me until I sound like Co-Ed's Hyewon.
maybe it's because my foot is getting worse, and the muscle's all bundled up.
maybe it's because I'm horrendously blind such that I can't even see the shard of glass in front of me.
maybe it's because so much rice grains come in but what comes out is just one freaking grain.
maybe it's because tripods are going to play a very important role in my life.
maybe it's because letting go is the 2nd hardest thing to sleeping on a bed of thorns.
maybe it's because I'm barking up the wrong tree, gnawing, chewing, whatever...
maybe it's because the wolves are breeding in my mind.
maybe it's because the cow skin is stretched by ten thousand strings.
maybe it's because I loved someone.

I don't know.

turn back.

2011-01-08T22:28:00.002+08:00

sometimes, it's necessary to hold ourselves back, no matter how people describe ourselves as passionate or whether we ourselves have that passion. because at times, though happy I can be in doing that thing, or liking a particular thing, it just sometimes turns into sadness. not wanting to do it anymore. there's a change of heart, and suddenly the best friends turns out to become enemies.

it feels as though I stepped into something not knowing that it's a trap. it felt so tempting anyways. that's what they always do, trapping people by deceiving the mind into thinking that THAT place is like paradise, heaven. once in the trap, finally there's this, self-realization. and I try to climb out, escape but there's nothing that I can do.

we sometimes go too far into something, and in the end we ourselves get transformed three hundred and sixty degrees. to the point where we develop irrational hopes, fears and thoughts. clinging onto just nonsensical things that to an outsider seems so common sense and irrational. at this point, I have to stop, I MUST stop. though it's hard to let go, to leave that thing; or just simply be content with where I am now and not delve deeper. lest there will definitely be pain, not emotionally but physically.

it's called sacrifice, to give up something that is attached emotionally and bearing through all the pain. but it is necessary. there are many fine lines in this world that can be blurred, and it can turn dangerous. and then there is the case of multiple fine lines, and overlapping ones too. brave the storm, before it's too late.

request/process/done.

2011-01-08T18:25:00.006+08:00

today's also going to be a bit of a MINHO/TAEMIN/2MIN spam. again, for someone (: it's going to be Indonesian, so obviously if it's not understood, do me a favour and scroll down to see some other post or just click the cross in the red box at the top of the window yeah?

ntar, gue denger lagi-lagi ini suka sama SHINee, ya? (: sama MINHO si bias gue dan Taemin? kalo mau tau, aku ada banyak gambarnya mereka, lho! :D sekarang pasti udah kamu faham kenapa aku kalau lihat Minho/SHINee, aku dalam 'dreaming mode' lho.... ^_^ TERUTAMA SEKALI di majalah Korean Pop yg dulu2 aku beli di Gramedia... FOR YOU (:

ini conceptnya Lucifer dalam albumnya Lucifer itu lho... ;)

Taemin oppa yg dibilangin imut! (: ya emang sih... yah, dreaming lagi dehh. padahal mahu buat prnya les piano! :/

Taemin oppa lagi! um aku suka sama kaos nya (: tapi rambutnya sih, so-so lah. nggak seneng kalau panjang gitu lho.

MINHO OPPA! (: [oh ya, oppa itu kayak kakak lelaki gitu.] ganteng dehh...

oh ini ya, dalam uh apa namanya, reality show namanya Hello Baby. itu kayak Minta Tolong di RCTI, bukan sinetron gitu. kalo di Korsel itu sangat populer. ini adegan Minho oppa sama Taemin oppa tidur waktu istirahat. lucu deh, soalnya. cute!((:

nah ini uh, music videonya Lucifer. aku sama tmn2ku suka BANGET sama music videonya ini. soalnya kn, conceptnya lain, lagi 'daring' lah gitu. tapi aku suka, soalnya Minho potong rambut sih, jadi lagi ganteng! lols. ;)

okay, sini saja deh, untuk kali ini! nanti kalo mau picturenya lagi bilangin ya, sama aku, ya! :D

sorry, goodbye.

2011-01-06T22:22:00.004+08:00

translation of lyrics are at : http://www.hotnewsonglyrics.com/snsd-mistake-lyrics.html

SNSD - My Mistake Lyrics

난 아직 제자리죠
여전히 그대 곁에서
헤매이다 지쳐서

오늘도 그댈 맴돌다
하루 또 하루 흘러 흘러서
여기까지 온거죠

알면서 아픈 내 맘 알면서도
웃는 그대가 날 더 아프게 하죠

나를 더 사랑하게 만들지 못한
내 잘못이죠

내가 더 사랑해서 만들어버린
내 잘못이죠

내 마음만큼 나를 더
사랑하게 하지 못했었던 거였죠
내 잘못이죠

얼마나 더 많은 시간을
눈물을 흘려야 하나요
그 약속만을 믿으며

기다려 달라던 거짓말
이제 속았던 내 욕심도
지쳐 버리고 만거죠

알면서 아픈 내 맘 다 알면서

그렇게 모른 척 웃을 순 없잖아요

나를 더 사랑하게 만들지 못한
내 잘못이죠

내가 더 사랑해서 만들어버린
내 잘못이죠

내 마음만큼 나를 더
사랑하게 하지 못했었던 거였죠
내 잘못이죠

가질 수 없는걸 알면서

멋대로 커진 내 마음이

혼자서 기다리다가
혼자서 후회하다가
사랑한 것도 잘못이네요

아픈 줄 알면서도 잊지를 못한
내 잘못이죠

내가 참 바보 같죠

다칠 껄 알면서도 비우지 못한
내 잘못이죠

모든 게 내 탓이래도

그래도 괜찮아요 그대만 있다면

언제까지나

이런 날 용서해줘요
그댈 사랑한 날

distrupted perfect timing.

2011-01-05T22:45:00.003+08:00

let's start off by saying a big HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my awesome #Taemin! (not Taemin oppa, notice the # sign there) saengil chukha hamnida~ thank you SO SO much for being there for me and being part of my life. I remember those times during O Level period where I had really rough times and you were there as a listening ear, providing me with advice and really showed concern. come to think of it, I was sick at that time and remember the 'miracle cure'? :D and thank you for being an awesome spazz buddy about well... you know who you know what ^_^ friends forever. (:

I think my feet are vulnerable to injuries because right now I have this pain in my foot which was confirmed to be a twisted muscle, and a huge cut across my big toe that is funnily shaped like a small letter 'y'. Obviously I wouldn't take a photo of it and slap it on this blog post for all to see right? but it really is like a 'y' and it got worse this morning. plus, all those mosquite bites that still hasn't healed and the big scab that looks like a breakfast disaster. oh wells.

The thing is, and I don't know if it technically is universally true, but can we overexert ourselves sometimes when doing the things we either are passionate about, or something new but physically demanding? I think that's the reason why so many things are happening before my very own eyes.

anyways, watched GD and TOP's MV for High High and it's kind of interesting. I like the song but sometimes GD looks weird. though I love him with the glasses (: speaking of Kpop, people have been asking me to watch Korean dramas. last time I did that was last year early March where I was watching Iljimae and recording almost every single episode. and I still love it (: I want to watch Tamra, the Island because there's an ang moh who speaks fluent Korean in the drama! how cool is that? and unique too ^_^ actually he's French but oh who cares.

considering a change for my blogskin, but as for now, I think I'll stick with this one first. (:

st

2011-01-01T22:34:00.002+08:00

I'm sorry, I really am.

to just be in this, state of mind, I...don't know.

the stuffed pig is missing;

'if I could turn back time, I'd set things right.' I know, cliche. but...

it doesn't change anything.

there is a battle in my head and I really don't know what to do. it's chock full of confusion and endless mindaches.

I wish I could, I want. but I CAN'T.

RDRDRDR.

2010-12-31T13:55:00.002+08:00

I LOVE the choreo. :D

_______________________________________

did this bottom chunk on 01012011 (yup I know, nice date -.-) when I was supposed to do this yesterday which was by looking at the post while typing is today but AH, confusion confusion... whatever.
2010 was, I don't know, life-changing and full, jam-packed with a hell load of happy memories, life lessons and experiences. like the time when I met my awesome Yoohee hoobae via SFI (seriously, you rock for all the things you do), cried because I saw a dead huge python in the middle of the padi field, started liking ZE:A and Co.Ed, having an awesome 16th birthday, under one roof with #Onew #Jonghyun #Key and #Taemin... whatever it is, 2010 was deadpan awesome.
so then comes 2011 and I don't know, but I just don't have any resolutions for now. maybe ace exams and meet my awesome hoobae face to face? yadah yadah, that kind of crap...
oh and by the way, I accomplished something and started doing another thing, but stupid aches here and there keep attacking me. oh well, shall buy a baseball bat to beat the crap out of them. haha. (:

mirroring, run!

2010-12-29T23:02:00.004+08:00

SM*SH - I Heart U

found this video on Youtube because of their perf on dahSyat. I don't know about other people, but it's really REALLY like Indonesia's version of SuJu. plus, blonde hair?!? it's clear cut Kpop-ish. I'm not saying that I hate it, I'm okay with it, it's just...know?

speaking of Kpop, I LOVE this video. :D

'are, ee, EVERYBODY!'

2010-12-27T22:45:00.008+08:00

and that's how screwed my study table and room is.

image taken from http://bethelightofthedark.tumblr.com

sometimes the things we do really take for granted. for example, time. spending time with someone for 4 years, though that person's not that close, but in 5 years time if we were to meet we'd surely hug each other. how weird, seeing that we're not even close but after a period of isolation the feeling of "I miss you" is as strong as gluing two elephants together with Super Glue. we simply do take these things for granted...
and so, even though it's only 2 freaking months since I lost sight of ANY friend (well except for a couple of friends) but when those people aren't there, don't see them everyday like I used to...it's just really weird. I guess it's cause friendships built in later parts of life, like in secondary school isn't as 'superficial' as those in primary school. it's more complicated with more feelings induced and there's a certain deeper degree of respect to that person and cherishing the relationship AND that friend. by the way, someone just messaged me but I'm really lazy to open up the sms, shall open it up later.

I'm not exactly sure if this is the right thing to do: being not even the slightest bothered by news that doesn't even concern myself, but delivered by a friend. worse,a close friend. take for example, friend A suddenly smses me in the middle of the night saying:

my pet dog is eating his dinner now, I bought a new can of dog food and he seems to like it ^_^

note, this is just a fictional sms and I don't think anyone in the world would do such a thing. but the point it, firstly why would I be interested in what A's dog is doing? do I have to know all the really, scrutinized teeny weeny details about something that is not even involving me at all? on one hand, I feel like smsing her "I don't care." but don't want to hurt her feelings right, especially if that pet really means to her? but then, what on earth do I reply?
now then comes the problem of "aiyah just don't reply lah!" but hello, if that person smses me in the middle of the night about that then surely there must be some feelings involved. he who has a stone heart will never succeed in life.

anyways, that huge chunk is just opinions and feelings on stuff that really happened and I've thought long and hard about it, even through my vacation in Indonesia (which was FABULOUS by the way.) I have 42 mosquito bites that haven't even healed, one ending up in a huge gash on my foot (which means I can't wear my favourite flats without a plaster D:) and all in ridiculous places like my eyelid, for goodness sake... but so many enriching experiences, oh yes. like walking through padi fields and seeing a huge python on the way, spending 6 plus hours in a car sleeping most of the time, and most importantly spending time with my awesome cousins :D cousins that write stories that are really superbly good, eat 24/7, stick with you all the time, scares with a gorilla head and sings Online by Saykoji but with wrong lyrics.

and ZE:A's My Only Wish MV came out! (: it's really nice and sweet. as quotes from someone on Youtube, they're mad popular in Japan. oh plus Love Letter MV. but I want them to release a Korean FULL album! DJ Masa's 2010 Kpop mixes are really fantastic, especially the first 2010 half mashup cause he used Taio Cruz's Break My Heart feat Ludacris as a 'base' (this will only be understood by listening to the mashup itself) and I really like the song. :D and I like MBLAQ's Running and Running.

and thank you to hoobae for helping me do a huge thing that's really important! hurry and come back from Cambodia okay?!

seriously, I should have gotten this back then.

2010-12-17T19:25:00.001+08:00

happy birthday to Choi Sungmin, Co-Ed School's 'solid' maknae! ~알찬성민~

2010-12-14T13:58:00.001+08:00

"today is whose birthday?"
"ONEW OPPA! SHINee's leader that is really adorable and super cute because of his smile plus his eye-smile plus he's got super smooth skin, and I really think that he's a responsible and awesome leader because he really cares about his younger members and he also sings wonderfully, you can distinguish his voice in the songs they sing and oh, he has a solo song called The Name I Loved and it's a very soothing ballad + he wrote the lyrics for Your Name which I'm sure is a happy-kind-of-song, the kind that I can listen while in a walk in the park or something and YUP he's MC with Minho for Music Core plus in Night Owl I think PLUS HE FREAKING LOVES CHICKEN cause my memory's kinda of rusty and I know that loads of people LOVE him like #manager-sshi and..."
"okay, I understand... -.-"

생일 축하 합니다 to SHINee's dubu leader Onew!

______________________________________________________

happy birthday to Park Yong Su/Kangho, Co-Ed School's 'hot blood' vocalist & rapper! ~열혈강호~

forced wad of paper in a wedge.

2010-12-10T19:01:00.004+08:00

I'm still overseas by the way... so the reason as to why I managed to blog again is cause I'm at an internet cafe near my cousin's house, and time limit is one hour, so decided to do what I can do during this one hour, which includes blogging. (since twitter somehow can't work on this version of Internet :/ )

anyways, congrats to SHINee for winning their awards on Golden Disk! (: SHINee hwaiting! ^_^

oh but the birthday cards' not me who posted, it's my friend who did it for me, thank you SO MUCH, saranghaeyo!~ she's a really helpful friend who has done so much for me, so yup. oh, yesterday was SHINee Minho oppa and ZE:A Heechul oppa's birthdays! and I saw this post on WRS and there was this SUPER HOT pic of my ultimate bias, I like. :D

it's kind of boring here since I don't do much and not many people sms me. somemore I fell sick during the first week - I had a bad throat, followed by mild asthma, then flu, then fever, then diarrhoea. oh, and some dumb mosquito made two large mosquito bites on my forehead (of all things) and 3 on my cheek. aish but can't help it though, there's so many houseflies and mosquitoes here so I have to get used to the conditions here though.

OH BUT I GET TO WATCH BOYS OVER FLOWERS. though there's dubbing but, finally...

on the other hand, I tried riding a motorbike. 50% success ^_^
did psychological test, went shopping, bought Kpop magazines and comic books, did piano homework, watched TV... nothing much honestly. and I'll only be coming back on 26th, so there's a LOOOONG way to go.

can't wait to get Something That is Cheerful and Fresh and Love Letter! oh and a couple more of things that I forgot...

ah but who cares...

okay, my job for today is done. dinner's at Pizza Hut I think. (:

2010-12-09T14:10:00.001+08:00

"today's who's birthday?"
"MINHO OPPA! My ultimate bias~ the flaming charisma of SHINee, whose real name is Choi Minho and he's the main rapper of SHINee that also can sing, it's just that not many people know it and I really think his voice is nice for serenades and he's WAYY TALL so that's why I want to wear insoles to make myself taller and oh wait, I really really LOVE his look in Lucifer, short hair YAY and he's also now in a drama called Pianist, is it? and I ship 2min, that's Minho and Taemin and they're super super ADORABLE especially in the Dream Team episode where Taemin just literally 'jumped' onto Minho and OH speaking of Dream Team, he can play so many sports, he's really talented in sports and that makes him more awesome, and..."
"okay, I get it -.-"

생일 축하 합니다 to SHINee's flaming charisma Minho!

___________________________________________________

happy birthday Heechul oppa! saengil chukha hamnida! (:

2010-12-01T17:37:00.000+08:00

happy birthday Siwan oppa! saengil chukha hamnida! (:

misted glass, pretty much?

2010-11-26T22:04:00.003+08:00

Everyone, at some point in their lives, wakes up in the middle of the night with the feeling that they are all alone in the world, and that nobody loves them now and that nobody will ever love them, and that they will never have a decent night’s sleep again and will spend their lives wandering blearily around a loveless landscape, hoping desperately that their circumstances will improve, but suspecting, in their heart of hearts, that they will remain unloved forever. The best thing to do in these circumstances is to wake somebody else up, so that they can feel this way, too.

—Lemony Snicket

oh by the way, just now I saw America's Got Talent, Season 5 at Channel 5 and saw this guy, freaking AWESOME.

but still, I'm stuck with this attitude for now. bl, bs. urgh, b*tch. sorry.

delusion.

2010-11-23T00:33:00.003+08:00

2AM - I Did Wrong

I hope it's who I think.

2010-11-20T23:55:00.003+08:00

image taken by bethelightofthedark.tumblr.com .

must we end this way? what is wrong in our friendship, such that every single day I have to endure really stupid reactions and tears filled with disappointment?
do I have to break the ribbon, say it's over? because we're not the same as last time. I feel so alone, when we're around, it's like I might as well not be there. there's no difference. I want to just be accepted for WHO I am, not merely the exterior image that I display. I want to go one step further but I can't, I really can't!
I have to turn away right now, because it's really too late. I can't bear all the pain and scratches done to me and my feelings. worse, mainly by the same person.

2010-11-19T00:05:00.001+08:00

It’s too late 다시한번 말해,
It’s too late 내앞에서 꺼져.

I've had enough.

16111991(:

2010-11-16T00:02:00.001+08:00

happy birthday to Hyungshik oppa of ZE:A! saengil chukha hamnida!(:

picture spam #2

2010-11-15T22:59:00.006+08:00

decided to do a picture spam, though I'm really tired... watching Labu Labi at the same time, lol :P

I watched someone's cover of SHINee Hello and it was really GOOD :D so then I listened and watched the video and managed to figure all the notes! decided to write them on a book so that I won't forget (:

let's get started with some, Co-Ed pics! as promised I'm not going to put one, but TWO pictures of Co-Ed's maknae, Sungmin! this is during Bbiribbom Bbaeribbom MV, the Co-Ed MV that I MOST LIKE because of the song + MV concept. he's adorable in the photo! XD and I'd love to get the bear.

another pic of Sungmin oppa! fine sure he might look like dao or something, but when I first saw this pic, it was instant love ((:

my bias in Co-Ed, NOORI! :D started liking him in the Bbiribbom Bbaeribbom MV (: Idk, cause he really stands out? and I heard that he is a really sweet guy, think I saw one photo where he help Hyewon with her hair :D okay, this photo is kinda obscured...

...but, here's Noori oppa! I think he's very charismatic too (:

Wise Taewoon oppa, OMGOODNESS he seriously is freaking cute in the Bbiribbom Bbaeribbom MV, someday I'll post the MV yeah. (: I LOVE the part where he acts like a kukubandungbananahead in the beginning...

ZE:A! I'd love them to wear hanbok again, cause all of them look so adorable!! (: especially Dongjun, the maknae and one of my biases :D haha, it's like as though I've got something about maknaes?

2nd photo of my awesome ZE:A oppas :D again, I think Dongjun looks adorable, but so does Kwanghee oppa!

SHINee! saranghaeyo~ okay, fangirling one side. I really like this look, especially Key, he looks so PRO! and I also like the red coloured stuffed toy that Taemin and Minho are holding. (: wow I really like this look... that's why, Onew, you better cut your hair!

like my #Onew, extremely adorable. right? (:

Hello Hello, 나름대로 용길 냈어요 / Hello Hello, 잠시얘기 할래요 ((: I LOVE THE MV, so sweet!

it's small but WHO CARES? Jonghyun looks really nice and cute here. dinosaur mah (: his vocals are really really good, and he has a large vocal range... I like! can play the guitar too! not that I'm advertising him here, I just like people with musical backgrounds...(:

reflected here: my fondness for bears, BIG BEARS especially. I saw the white bear at a shop at Ang Mo Kio! really love to have it for my next birthday... it's really CUTE! and it's beside my ultimate bias, MINHO ♥♥ then Kevin™ can have company!

okay, think that's all for now! not sure if I posted enough pictures though. aish. just now I went to play badminton + many altered versions of catching and chasing that made my legs super super heavy and tired. but it was worth it, because I finally managed to beat Priyanka 10-7 I think, but that's another story ;)

plant a THREE.

2010-11-12T20:45:00.002+08:00

my new three Kpop biases (:

~onew.jonghyun.key.minho.taemin~
~junyoung.taehun.kevin.kwanghee.siwan.heechul.minwoo.hyungshik.dongjun~
~soomi.chanmi.hyewon.hyoyoung.sungmin.taewoon.noori.kangho.kwanghaeng.yoosung~

SHINee, ZE:A, Co-Ed.

2010-10-21T19:57:00.002+08:00

I WILL BE ON HIATUS.
until Idk. 12th? until the Os end.
I need to concentrate and focus, to get my 6 or 7 points for my L1R5.
plus, a little time off for myself and preparation.

ta.

shattered heart.

2010-10-18T21:59:00.003+08:00

stupid me, why did I do this. ~slaps head~
I'm just too full of myself, obsessed with one thing that I know I can't get no matter what.
so why in the entire world am I trying so, so hard to achieve an aim that I know I won't get there? why?
it's just plain dumb.
if I know that I can't get to the finishing line, why must I try? there are so many incidents where I've tried to get there, but it's really epic fail. and everytime this happens, I fall into that path, I cry my lungs out, I get a headache, I curse myself.
I'm really tired of fighting a losing battle. think I should restrain myself, and control myself. I'd better, before I make a fool of myself again... in front of someone that I don't want to.
curse me.
I can never get something, that something that one. or rather;
when I see that thing, my heart just yearns for that thing to be mine, maybe not forever, but for a long time maybe. because I know, that thing can't last, but I still want it. it's so precious, meaningful and has brought so much joy into my life. and I really love it, I really want it. but someone has already owned that thing, and all I have to do is stare at the window looking at that thing. which is so close, yet so far.
yet I must go away, I must leave that thing behind my sight, I must not look at it.
even though it takes a battle just to do one simple thing, I have no choice but to do it.
I'm just sick and tired of fighting the same thing again, I cry almost every single day because of it. and NO, it is NOT O Levels. I really want that thing but fate has pushed me out, I can't go against the laws of nature and fight back. I give up.
I wish I could just tell someone, that I'm really sick, I'm really tired of fighting this daily battle everyday and carrying this burden every day-I don't want. but I don't want to disturb anyone else who's concentrating on more important things that personal feelings.
so I shall be sick, and ill with this disease and carry on. even though it means literally eating myself up just to say sane. though I can't handle it, I have to unfortunately. maybe when the time comes, just maybe, I hope to see that thing and have it in my hands.
but wait.
I actually had that hope, I really did. but there was a friend of mine, who said words that completely, just... I don't know. it was the truth really. that I should concentrate, and leave that thing alone. so there I was, crying and crying because, that friend is actually the owner of the thing that I want. why, why can't I stare at it? it got me an emotional shock that I just got really tired on that day and emotionally drained. just really fatigueed. those are warning signals and yet I didn't follow.
curse me.
it's said that everyone walks alone on this path. I must say, it's true. there is a solution within me, and I can only pray and hope that it would come. because I emphasize again,
I'm really sick and tired. I give up trying to chase a thing that I will DEFINITELY not get.
so WHY do I still do the same thing again, and again? why am I just too clouded to see the truth? "oh wretched mortals, open your eyes!"

this all is actually just a simple thing that everyone has gone through their life. really. but I can't say it out loud but mask it behind stringy words and utter nonsensical blabber. and to write something really really long about it, is very rare. but it gives a few clues. one is that, it really takes up a lot of my life. I repeat, NOT O Levels. second is that, there is a deep meaning. and behind this mask I wear every single time I see that thing, when I walk by...
it's just the utter sadness, c'est vraiment triste, that I can't have that thing.

crushed heart.

2010-10-18T18:32:00.001+08:00

I don't know whether #Jonghyun will come here again. but to you,

♥, me.

open heart.

2010-10-16T22:38:00.000+08:00

dear #Jonghyun,

♥, me.

it's too late. run, before the storm.

2010-10-10T22:50:00.003+08:00

how much I tried to control myself, and hold back myself from just letting it all go. how much I tried to make my mouth taste sweet. but it just all fails; because I realized something that has been staring at my face. something that actually I believe in, but got critized and slapped at, and now I'm forced to adopt an abandoned plan. I feel really confused and stupid, idiotic.

because friendships are not planned. they're not like instruction manuals to be followed. they are natural, coming from two or more people and feelings incited will eventually come, but at a natural pace. no one can write up a plan of friendship and expect the outcome which they want. because if not then the entire process is just one big fat bullshit lie and drama where feelings are as dry as the Atacama Desert. and I mean, I can't buy like extra years into friendship right?
in summary :

1. friendships are naturally occuring.
2. they can't be lenghtened more than they already are (though it can be cut)
3. they can't be rushed - I can't expect someone whom I just know for 2 days to be my super close friend after that.
4. a lot of sacrifices are made, a lot of pent-up, in depth, honest feelings are put into it. a whole lot of strength and energy is added to maintain it.
5. don't EVER expect to replace someone in that friend's life. for example, there's this person(I call 14) who is really good friends with someone (call that person 56.) then, I recently came to know 14. then I want her to be my super best close friend in my life, have the same position as 56. of course 56 will feel left out right?

when I said that there were lemons, it meant that something sour had happened. and I'm really very tired to explain what happened and I'm sure nobody would bother.

I GIVE UP.
I'm fighting to get my L1R5 in O Levels.
but, I've already pledged myself to not go any further in this one path that looks really clear cut for me. I'm going to help shape other paths first.
impassively mum and stone.
I will not allow myself to hurt others again for the sake of my dreams. I'm going to crush some of the principles that I live with and make new ones. I'm willing to just let myself be exposed to the four elements simply to see someone get a little more satisfaction for themselves. not that that person hates me, but I feel that I am giving her this bag of unnecessary pain and I don't want to. (not directing this to anyone, honestly.)
I have to try to fly away, run, before the storm.

hey, Gee Gee Gee Gee.

2010-10-08T19:18:00.002+08:00

I got lemons at school which made my mouth sour but BAH I'm just going to sing Run Devil Run in my room and scream out whatever that I wanted to feel.

on a brighter note,
I WENT BACK HOME with my awesome #Onew :DD after like I don't know how many months. and it was really fun, because
1. I got my Jonghyun studs!! happy.
2. I started talking about Kwanghee oppa in the ZE:A video dedicated to ZE:A fans in Singapore (like me (: ) and he's like super funny. then end up I self-declare myself as an idiot character. which #Onew said so too. (:
3. I said "I LOVE YOU" to #Onew properly, and with a bit of courage inside too. plus advice from a go-straight-U-turn-come-back person.
4. Idk... #Onew's like a tad bit more happy today?
5. ONEW SANGTAE MOMENT experienced by my dear #Onew. or a blonde moment, I'd say. HAHA I'm still smiling cause of how funny the moment was. omo, #Onew you're really adorable today.
6. cause the Jonghyun studs came with a gift box that was really cute and adorable, so I just pictured it as a box which can be used for proposals.

and and... guess what, cause I just thought of it as a proposal box, then I proposed to #Onew... and she rejected D: HAHA OMO it was just a joke lah. besides, how to propose with a pair of studs?!?

but still. #Onew really made me cheer up and happy today. maybe I should spend more (and I mean MORE time) with her. yup I really should, cause I've been too dependent on some people recently, and I think it's unfair. #Onew I LOVE YOU :D

shut the bloody damn up. today I saw someone being battered and bruised by the simplest but most dangerous weapon in the world.

THE TONGUE.

just pick the orange up.

2010-10-02T16:58:00.004+08:00

because of him, I've appreciated people more, as they are.

because of him, I'm empowered and to not be afraid to stand up, and out.

because of him, I learn to persevere and not to give up.

because of him, I learnt that honestly is really the best policy.

because of him, I've managed to just stay through rough time caused by other people.

because of THEM, I've made new friends, become more positive thinking, and just...be happy of myself.

I love them. (:

인피니트 (Infinite) - 다시 돌아와 (Come Back Again) MV
I'm currently listening to this song. and I like L (:

like candy toss.

2010-10-01T20:57:00.004+08:00

I need to do Physics but I'll just stick around a little.

HELLO SHINEE! I love the MV teaser, can't wait for the full MV to come out. ah so excited :D and okay, Sunday I have to do some very very IMPORTANT STUFF.

can't believe that #Jonghyun bought the Hello album, what a miracle. but who says cannot right? (:

I studied with #Taemin for this week, she's SUPER adorable XD

ah shoot my phone battery's getting low. maybe that's because I play Hello like a million times today. so of course I got to charge it. there, it's charging.

and Izah told me something that was really unbelievable, but sane all the same. (: one day I wanna see the truth for my eyes.

few more days to Graduation and I won't see a LOT of people. #Onew, #Jonghyun, #Key, #Taemin, I'll miss them loads. and squadmates, XM... it's sad just thinking about it. the 4 years I spent, which was full of drama, lessons learnt, bullshit and crap, shoutings and rantings, fangirling, crazy stunts, exhaustion, memories... it's as though I just became a Secondary 1 yesterday. the things that might not seem significant, is now becoming as important as peeling the banana peel before eating the banana itself.

I'm breaking my own heart. what the crap, why.

I need someone to tell me that... tell me her existence.

the butterfly, oh so beautiful. I see the eyes, and the shadow descending. and the mist, falling on cold skin...but it all comes down to a union between 2 people.

today's writing style is a little bit different, as you can see. but honestly, that's all that I wanna blog for now. have to reduce my distractions and have that motivation. (:

6 POINTS FOR O LEVELS, I'm coming to get you!

dedication #1

2010-09-26T23:08:00.004+08:00

I've decided to blog again today cause I felt like I had a open-your-eyes moment thingy today. feeling super sleepy but never mind.

there's this person that I wanna give thanks from the bottom of my heart. I don't really mention her in my blog (eh wait I think a couple of times) but anyways. yup it's a damn HER. maybe she won't read my post, but when she does I hope she will understand how much she means to me.

I think we met each other at SFI, through the shoutbox? it was quite some time ago but then when we started out as acquaintances it was just mere spazzing about Kpop and how SHINee is ultra fabulous in my life. about how hot/cute/handsome/awesome a Kpop idol was, and our biases in Kpop groups and our own groups that we like. we both like different things, but as they say, opposites attract.

then somehow we became close friends and somehow, it was that point where we are simply free to express our feelings, and provide listening ears to one another. I'd just show her all the nice things that I have, like for example the Key birthday stand that I recently made (: and sometimes I'd just randomly rant things out to her. this person, is really very special. she was there for me ALL the time, and I really mean ALL the time. though we only contact each other by sms but she will always reply no matter how busy she was.

when I was down, she was there, providing a listening ear, comforting me and inducing positive thoughts into me. it was really helpful especially during the exam periods and all those rollercoaster problems I had with friends and other people.

when I was really happy, she'd bask in the happiness with me, and jump with joy with me as well.

when I was angry (and there was one time where I was extremely angry with someone), she would try to calm me down so that I won't explode like a volcano with the cone blasted off forming a caldera. and it works all the time.

somehow, she gave me a new found motivation to think positively in life. she was a friend that was really unique from all the others. ever since we've been friends I've been strayed, diverted (whatever it's called) from the dark and destructive past that I had. I'd say, a rainbow in the middle of dark clouds. it was as though there was a new ray of hope in life. and I've learnt to treasure life and the positive things about it thanks to her. I'll safely say that she is like a Cassiopeia in the sky, standing out from the rest. (and also, HINT HINT* )

I don't really have this much gratitude for anyone except for my parents, family and a couple of friends. just a couple or two. and I am not being biased, please... this is all just the truth based from my perspective, from how I view things.

this person, is none other than my wonderful, awesome, super fantastic, brilliant YOOHEE HOOBAE. hoobaenim, I'm not sure if you do read my blog but I want you to know that thank you so so SO much for being there and for providing me a chance to start anew (even though you might not realize it). this year's my O levels and next year's yours right? (: I'm going to push on, persevere and work hard for myself, my parents and family, and the # group, and for YOU as well. I can see the amount of faith and belief that you put in your sunbae and I'm really honestly touched. and with this in mind as my motivation, I'm going to get my freaking 6 POINTSfor O Levels or if can't at least a 7. thank you SO much for just everything, honestly. saranghamnida :D

sugar solution.

2010-09-25T15:39:00.003+08:00

I wish I could be beside Orange's side all the time. all the pain and sadness, when Orange is going through them, I want to help her ease the pain. been so caught up in my own stupid problems, problems which are as small as a molehill while Orange, out there, is suffering with bigger problems. having a headache thinking about it, and my tears just flowed all the way from Potong Pasir, thinking about it.

yup I have to focus on O Levels, but I will help. I'll be there every step of the way.

but I'm just so tired now.

23091991 (:

2010-09-23T00:02:00.002+08:00

"today's who's birthday ah?"
"KEY OPPA! the super duper awesome almighty Key whose real name is Kim Kibum and he's the member in SHINee that can sing dance and rap and he can water ski you know and and uh, he's like the super fashionable member and he can seriously pull off difficult clothes off and he's a really good cook like ZE:A's Kevin but that's another story anyways yeah so uh oh and #Key's named after him because of striking similarities and I won't say who #Key is and..."
"okay I get it. -.- "

생일 축하 합니다 to SHINee's almighty Key!

btw, Minho's, Onew's, Taemin's and Jonghyun's birthday cards were all based on Y.O.U. since the Lucifer album hadn't come out yet, which is pretty obvious -.- so Key's getting a Lucifer concept and he's also the first one, heh ^_^ due to time constraint, I only did a very simple one as shown above, I use selective colourization. so for the next birthdays, I'm going to use the same image except specific coloured areas for each member. aiyah don't understand then don't bother, please.

2010-09-19T17:55:00.002+08:00

btw I found this really nice image from a blog, shall not divulge what. (:

even if I have to pack my things and go far away,
just to find the one5 that I love,

I will.

Friday I suffered a heartbreak because of some things that are seriously my fault. but that's all I'm going to say, because I can't amplify my problems here. and I'd promise that I won't.

go and STOP.

2010-09-13T19:27:00.004+08:00

I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU (:
SARANGHAEYO, SARANGHAEYO, SARANGHAEYO, SARANGHAEYO, SARANGHAEYO (:

omgahh like I'm seriously spamming nonsensical stuff. -.- but I said it 5 times for a reason ;) eh I exceeded my sms limit and now I can't sms #Onew, #Jonghyun, hoobae and one more person that I forgot, it sucks really.

anyways.

I feel really happy today. and I know some people know why (: but it's also because I finally get to open my eyes, and open my heart. I'm realizing something.

hm, should I get a pink lightsaber? though I'm not a Sone, but I think it's really cool. SNSD's quite nice, their music and look I mean. what if there's a pearlescent blue one? (:

oh, and ZE:A's on newspaper!!! omo, I badly wanted to see them. quite a lot of people asked me today if I saw them at the airport. obviously not right, cause got Hari Raya visiting and my parents won't allow. BUT NEVER MIND, they will come back to Singapore, and I'm positive about it. cause when I read fan accounts it seems that they really like Singapore. (:

and SHINee will come next year! can bring #Onew, #Jonghyun, #Key, #Taemin and hoobae along. (:

ENOUGH ABOUT KPOP!

focus on studies -.- it's just one more month so hang in there, memyselfandI! force yourself...

I like my mother's salmon. meaning that she cooks salmon until very delicious and nice one. but chicken's still my favourite type of meat. like someone... (:

for the past few days I've been listening to TRAX's Oh! My Goddess. I really like SHINee + TRAX's remix of Lucifer, but that's another story... listen to Oh! My Goddess, it's a what I'd call a carefree song. (: SEOHYUN UNNIE LOOKS GORGEOUS, REALLY.

I'm putting SHINee's Honey Pot comedy video again because when I post this, the 1st post where I posted this video is going to be gone and then... yeah, quite hard to find later. (:

man I'm seriously crapping -.- kthxbye.

short tall I don't care -.-

2010-09-12T00:36:00.001+08:00

omo, the lyrics to Quasimodo are really very meaningful. #Key and I love it :D not sure for her but for me it's cause when I'm sad, I can scream my feelings out through this song. though I don't understand what they sang at first but now when I view it... yup.

sucks cause I only have one day left ): oh wells. after Os, there's 3 months! (: -.- and hoobae's support really helps me. saranghaeyo <3

2010-09-11T14:20:00.001+08:00

under construction again :/
I'm a very fickle minded person.

white font bubbles and weather stations.

2010-09-10T23:31:00.006+08:00

hoobae says that I have been going on a Kpop spree and I'd say that yeah, I have (: I'm listening to DBSK's MIROTIC and Wrong Number, BoA's Hurricane Venus, TRAX's Oh! My Goddess! and recently 2NE1's Clap Your Hands and Go Away (omgoodness I really really love CL's look in Go Away.) but I really really like TRAX's Oh! My Goddess because aside from the fact that Seohyun looks really fresh in the MV, but the song's something that I'll listen to on a long bus ride and when I feel happy. (:

kamsa hanmida to the people who sent me those really nice smses today (: #Onew, #Jonghyun, Priyanka, Aarthi D, uh Ashikin and Sabrina + Haziqah :D NOW I'm not really eating that much goodies cause must maintain diet mah :D I've been affected by someone (I won't really say who), so much so that I'm starting to maintain strictly what I eat.

yup and as you can see I've changed my blogskin cause I want a dark coloured one now (: it's originally called WOWOWOW. a really awesome song like Oh! My Goddess and I love Jonghyun's vocals! (: wait I don't think I changed the title either right - I kept it? anyways. #Jonghyun, you must listen to Quasimodo! wait you listen already ah - sorry I just read your twitter :P I love Jonghyun's vocals here also because he really stretch his vocal range here. especially the high pitched parts.

tomorrow after lunch I'm going to Johor and visit my aunt cause she invite us go there :D today I only went to my grandma's house and my religious teacher's house but quite a lot of people came. I suppose -.- for some apparent reason I was really sleepy so I slept like what, 2 times today? woke up with a massive headache :/ but it got cured by 9pm after I took Panadol. so yay (: HAHA and I joked to #Onew saying that I'm going to tapao my uncle's chicken wings (since we had lunch there) and give to her. and she replied "I want! I want! I want!" HAHA cute lah you (:

okay, I need to reply #Jonghyun's letter. I've replied #Key's one, and I took a long time because I actually wrote a LOT of stuff in it. Monday's going to be the start of a really long race, and people will change. the start of a race that if we don't prepare, and get ready, we'll fall along the way. so good luck :D to myself too.

ANYWAYS, ZE:A is here! D: quite sad that I can't see them. but I'm sure there will be chances in the future. hopefully. from the fan accounts that I've read so far, they're very nice! like they wave to fans and interacted with them a bit. sigh, I wanna see them, especially my 3 biases! ): omo. but, excited!! tomorrow's their showcase @ Suntec and the fans attending that...damn lucky. :/

okay I think I wrote a load of crapshit today. but seriously, I don't freaking care. people are sure going to have mixed emotions and there's going to be some negative ones. I used to cry my heart out because of them, but now I won't care. cause the world's not only about criticism and bad stuff, ne? (:

2010-09-09T18:18:00.002+08:00

OMO I have tons of stuff to do on revamping this blog.
so yeah (: under construction, I'd say?

I love #Onew, #Jonghyun, #Key and #Taemin. ;)

pooh and his HONEY POT.

2010-09-07T19:48:00.003+08:00

this is a short video where SHINee appeared in. it's a comedy, basically (: I think it's basically about dating younger boys... which I don't really like, heh :/ anyways, Jonghyun looks SUPERBLY AWESOMELY WONDERFULLY freaking x infinity CUTE in this video. and I think #Jonghyun's going to agree with me.

____________________________________________

this bottom half was edited in the night cause the top part was in the morning. found this video which was shown in madrasah, and it's really inspiring. It shows that the we as humans are as small as a small shred of DNA compared to the universe around us.

06091990 (:

2010-09-06T00:00:00.002+08:00

happy birthday to Minwoo oppa of ZE:A! Saengil chukha hamnida! (:

crrrystalll.

2010-09-05T15:24:00.005+08:00

DBSK - Mirotic

yup this might be a song that appeared quite some time ago, but I really really liked it recently. and the concept, I like! (: plus I think Changmin's vocals are very very impressive here (quoted by HOOBAE :D) especially the 3 octave scream ;)

DBSK - Wrong Number

another DBSK song that I like! I really love the choreo. :D and I think that Changmin's vocals are really good here too. (:

touch screen handphone.

2010-09-05T15:14:00.002+08:00

1. When you suddenly talk in a nasal voice.

* Onew - Surprised, so he just stares and smiles
* Jonghyun - Stares for a while, and then grins all of a sudden
* Kibum - Imitates you and laughs
* Minho - Gets rid of his flaming charisma and just smiles at you
* Taemin - Says "Hehe.. Noona, you're funny..." and laughs

2. When you ask them to entertain you because you're bored.

* Onew - Says he'll go shopping with you
* Jonghyun - Brings his mp3 over, listens to it with you and falls asleep while listening
* Kibum - Tickles you and plays with you
* Minho - Silently brings two Nintendo DS and plays with you
* Taemin - Says he'll take you to a PC room or an arcade

3. When some thugs gang up on you

* Onew - Pushes you away and gets beat up in your place
* Jonghyun - Runs over and beats them up for you
* Kibum - Calls all the sunbae he knows
* Minho - Shoots his flaming charisma on them so they run away
* Taemin - Calls the police

4. When he goes to the army

* Onew - Tells you that you're forbidden to look at any other guys until he comes back
* Jonghyun - Says "This oppa will come back much cooler"
* Kibum - Chatters on and on for the last time
* Minho - Says one thing. "I'll come back..."
* Taemin - Says "You trust me right? I'll be back soon."

5. When he's back from the army

* Onew - Suddenly comes up behind you, hugs you and says "Did you wait long?"
* Jonghyun - Hugs you, tells you he missed you and also says "How am I? Isn't oppa cooler?"
* Kibum - Smiles widely and says "Did you wait a long time?"
* Minho - Gets rid of his flaming charisma, smiles and hugs you while saying "I missed you"
* Taemin - Flies over and hugs you and says "I'm finally back!"

6. When you confess your love to him

* Onew - Listens quietly and then hugs you
* Jonghyun - Confesses together with you
* Kibum - Thanks you and gives you a present
* Minho - Takes you somewhere else and confesses his love.
* Taemin - Says he's going to confess, too

7. When you're crying in front of your house

* Onew - Holds you and comforts you
* Jonghyun - Comforts you, and then watches you go into the house
* Kibum - Takes you to his house and comforts you there
* Minho - Hugs you until you stop crying
* Taemin - Stays still and then cautiously talks to you

8. When you doze off on the bus

* Onew - Falls asleep first and leans on you
* Jonghyun - Falls asleep together with you, wakes up suddenly and puts his jacket over you
* Kibum - Watches you quietly
* Minho - Sits you on his lap
* Taemin - Wakes you up and tells you to sleep at home

9. After your date, when you go home

* Onew - Asks "Do you want me to take you home?"
* Jonghyun - Says "Let's go" and nothing else and takes you home
* Kibum - Says "Is your house big? Did you clean your room?" and nags you all the way until your house
* Minho - Says nothing and takes you home
* Taemin - Says "Nuna, I'm scared! I'll call you so go home by yourself!" and goes home by himself

10. When you say you're cold

* Onew - Takes his coat off for you
* Jonghyun - Buys you a windbreaker
* Kibum - Takes you into a warm coffee shop and buys you coffee
* Minho - Puts his coat around both of you
* Taemin - Says he's cold and asks you to take off your coat for him

11. When you say you're exhausted

* Onew - Asks you if you're okay and pats your back
* Jonghyun - Tells you to cry if you're exhausted
* Kibum - Asks what happened
* Minho - Holds you
* Taemin - Suddenly turns into Power Taemin and holds you tightly

12. When you're walking together

* Onew - Holds your hand tightly
* Jonghyun - Says "You're really pretty from the side..." and keeps staring at you
* Kibum - Keeps chattering
* Minho - Stares at you with his flaming charisma
* Taemin - Acts cute and talks with you

13. When you say there's something in your eye

* Onew - Blows on your eye
* Jonghyun - Says "Stop joking" but blows on your eye anyway
* Kibum - Hits the back of your head until you cry
* Minho - Melts the dust with his flaming charisma
* Taemin - Says "I think there's something in my eye too~" and has you blow on his eye

14. When SHINee comes over when you're coming out of school

* Onew - Asks if you're hungry and buys you food
* Jonghyun - Suddenly holds your hand and walks together
* Kibum - Packs lunch for you and feeds you
* Minho - Shoots flaming charisma while he walks over
* Taemin - Holds your hand and says "did you miss oppa?"

15. When you say you want this and that

* Onew - Buys for you without hesitation
* Jonghyun - Says "No! I don't have money~" and buys something slightly cheaper
* Kibum - Says "Save money!" but buys it the next day and leaves it front of your house
* Minho - Glares at you with his flaming charisma
* Taemin - Says "Oppa doesn't have money~" and begs you to buy it for him

16. When you ignore all his calls and texts for a day

* Onew - Has texted you 50 times and called you 50 times
* Jonghyun - Has texted you 20 times and called you 60 times and then ran over to your house
* Kibum - Has texted you 3 times, called you 20 times and ran over to your house
* Minho - Has texted you 20 times, called you 100 times and then consistently asks you the next day what you did the day before
* Taemin - Has texted you 2 times, called you 3 times and then comes over and cries, asking why you ignored him

17. When you cry

* Onew - Holds you and comforts you
* Jonghyun - Suddenly becomes serious, pats your back and says, "Don't cry..."
* Kibum - Says "Aigoo, my baby, don't cry"
* Minho - Says scarily, "Who made you cry"
* Taemin - Cries with you, saying, "Nuna, why are you crying?"

18. When you're laughing crazily because of something really funny

* Onew - Shocked, says "Ba..baby..."
* Jonghyun - Laughs crazily AT you
* Kibum - Scolds you, saying, "A girl shouldn't laugh like that"
* Minho - Says nothing and makes you feel awkward
* Taemin - Laughs crazily WITH you

19. When you gift him with a sweater you've made yourself

* Onew - Extremely touched, says "Wow... Baby, thanks..."
* Jonghyun - Complains that it looks weird, but wears it extremely often
* Kibum - Confused, says, "Huh, I never taught you stuff like this"
* Minho - Only says "thanks"
* Taemin - Acts cute to show his gratitude

20. When you kiss him on the cheek

* Onew - Blushes brightly but kisses you
* Jonghyun - Says, "You started it" and kisses you deeply
* Kibum - Gets shocked and says, "Oh my god, what are you doing"
* Minho - Clears his throat and makes the situation awkward
* Taemin - Sprouts nosebleed

21. When you're with him at a swimming pool in a bikini and guys stare at you (I'LL NEVER DO THAT IN MY LIFE, cause I'm not even allowed -.-)

* Onew - Puts a towel over you silently
* Jonghyun - Curses everyone out silently
* Kibum - Starts scolding you, "What were you thinking?!"
* Minho - Scares everyone with his flaming charisma so no one can stare.
* Taemin - Says "Noona, I don't like sexy women" and makes you go change

22. When you call suddenly really late at night

* Onew - Woke up because of your call and is sleepy, but says he wasn't sleeping and stays on the phone with you
* Jonghyun - Says "who told you to call this late" but sings you a sweet lullaby
* Kibum - Nags you about waking up because of you, but all of a sudden you realize he's been talking more than you have
* Minho - Worries about you because you aren't asleep yet
* Taemin - Is very honest and tells you he's sleepy and is going to go to sleep

23. During the finals week, when you've studied at school until really late and call him to take you home

* Onew - Asks you where you are, runs over as fast as he can and brings hot cocoa with him
* Jonghyun - Tells you that he's too tired and it's too much work, so you're walking home alone upset, but suddenly appears and wraps his arm around you to surprise you
* Kibum - Says "Since when do you study?" but also says "Don't go anywhere"
* Minho - Before you call him, he calls you to ask if you want to get picked up
* Taemin - Comes over in his mom's car to give you a ride

24. When you show up wearing a really short skirt (LIKE AS IF I WILL, I'll wear a pair of leggings inside or I won't wear at all!)

* Onew - Clears his throat because he doesn't know where to keep his gaze
* Jonghyun - Says "Sheesh... I don't know what to do with you.." and takes off his jacket to tie it around your front and walks closely behind you
* Kibum - Hits you and says he won't hang out with you if you dress like this again
* Minho - Doesn't say anything, but every time a guy stares at you glares at them with his flaming charisma
* Taemin - Very honestly says, "Wow, your legs are really pretty, noona"

25. When you're in pain in because of really high heels

* Onew - Suddenly takes you to a bench, sits you down and gives you a foot massage
* Jonghyun - Goes into a store, buys a pair of cheap slippers for himself and gives you his sneakers
* Kibum - Nags you about it, suddenly gives you a piggy back ride, but doesn't stop nagging
* Minho - Stares at you for a while with his flaming charisma, then kneels down and tells you "Get on"
* Taemin - Doesn't know what to do because you're hurting

26. When you say, "Let's break up"

* Onew - Says nothing except "Good bye" and then when you turn your back smiles sadly and cries
* Jonghyun - Says "Let me hold you for the last time" and then lets you go, but cries his eyes out when you're gone
* Kibum - Suddenly stops joking around and asks you if you're joking and says he won't let you go
* Minho - Stares at you, and when you turn around takes your arm and tells you not to go
* Taemin - Whines, asks why and says no like a child

27. After you've broken up

* Onew - Makes sure you don't know, but visits the front of your house and stares at your window
* Jonghyun - Calls you when he's drunk and cries his heart out
* Kibum - Texts you things like "You really aren't going to see me?" "I miss you" "I can't let you go"
* Minho - Calls anonymously and hangs up after he hears your voice
* Taemin - Cries because he doesn't know what to do after the first person that he fell in love with dumped him

Key : 6
Minho : 9
Onew : 8
Jonghyun : 3
Taemin: 1

FINE I decided to do this also, because my #Jonghyun and Michi put this on their blogs and I remember one of my friend's friend did this also..so HAHA when I looked at the results I was like "wth?" but I just laughed like mad cause seriously, some of the options are just ridiculous. but YAY, MY BIAS'S the first :D

SHINee picture spam #1

2010-09-03T19:06:00.008+08:00

"I LOVE JONGHYUN'S HAIR WHEN IT'S ALL BLOWN OUT LIKE THAT!" haha #JONGHYUN, you damn cute leh ♥ today I might want to do a picture spam...yeah I think I'm going to. cause #Jonghyun requested it today (:

ah omgoodness if this lollipop was sold in stores, I'll buy them by the box (: and give to my #Onew, #Jonghyun, #Key and #Taemin, hoobae... oh wow, tons of people.

JONGHYUN FLAUNTING OFF HIS BACK! I know someone that will like this :D oh fine, I like it too ♥

omo, SO CUTE! ♥ it's like dumplings like that! HAHA but I think those were made of plasticine. still, very cute right? XD I really liked Jonghyun's one (:

AH #JONGHYUN, I freaking freaking love love his hair here! ♥ so spiked up! no seriously, I really really loved it. when I saw this I just SCREAMED.

okay, here's one where he's smiling. cutely. (:

whee I LOVE HIM HERE TOO ♥ ♥ something about flawless skin? no wait, Onew has it too (:

#Jonghyun, I miss his blonde hair ))): I really really want his blonde hair back. but I like his Lucifer hair as well (: still, I really think his blonde's the best. cause to me, it softens up the strong facial features that he has. so he got like baby-face like that. (:

Jonghyun's blonde hair number 2!

Jonghyun's blonde hair number 3! ah I remember you wanted this right, #Jonghyun? yeah I think he's cute here too (: but Minho's still my bias, ah!

"Even so, isn't Jonghyun the hyung? and Minho the dongsaeng?" "looking at it from far away, it looks like a dad hugging his son who is going to joing the army. telling him, 'my son, it's okay~' "

I shall repost this for my #Jonghyun (: yup I really like him here also.

YA YA #Jonghyun's dreaming that her future husband will give her roses. haha (: but I'm sure that when you find your very own Jonghyun in the future, he will do so. but then, your own Jonghyun is Jonghyun right? get it? :D

here's one picture where both me and #Jonghyun like. seriously, Minho looks really really awesomely HOT here. and HIGHLIGHT and UNDERLINE it! he looks freaking nice just with a t-shirt and jeans. and his hair, ♥ ! like Kevin Aprilio but that's a different story.

#Jonghyun likes this one too! I told here the meaning behind this pose : when Jonghyun sings high notes, he always turns to the side and up so that people won't see his weird expresion when he hits high notes. but that pose makes him so much more better, ne? ((:

Jonghyun's blonde hair number 4! SO CUTE~

HAHA when I saw this photo I just smiled. he's just really really cute here too ♥ oh, Jonghyun's blonde hair number 5!

HAHA #Jonghyun's reaction when seeing this picture was really epic. HAHA :Dwait, I hope it's the right reaction - is it the one where she got super super excited? ah, my memory's poor.

and, Jonghyun's blonde hair number 6! (:

hope you liked it, #Jonghyun! I might want to do another picture spam like this, honestly. but another time (: here's as you requested + some of my additional personal Jonghyun and SHINee favourite pictures. (: and the Taemin pictures that Mrs Lim gave, SO CUTE! sounds really cliche. but yup (:
this post is chock full of SHINee pictures, so antis, don't want to see then fine lor.
even though I had to leave halfway, thank you #Jonghyun and #Taemin for spending the time with me! you both really asked sensible questions and took the time to interact. (: remember this saying that I said : "Taemin come sit here! maknae must sit in the middle!" saranghaeyo, and thank you. you're 2 awesome friends that I really really treasure and I thank Allah S.W.T. for blessing me with really great, wonderful friends.
okay, shall go and reply #Key's letter. thank you so much, it was really sweet!

the last airdrop; a.k.a. To my Onew,

2010-08-27T23:02:00.007+08:00

hello there. annyeong haseyo (:

probably you might be too busy to notice this but my hope is just for you to see this. it’s been more than two weeks, since we had a long conversation ever since Prelims arrived. in fact I think the longest conversation we had since then was 10 seconds. and I can faintly remember the last time we went back home together. Sigh everyday I read the 3 letters that you write to me and I wonder “hm, I wonder when she will reply..” but then again, you probably might be busy. Though on the outside I might look to be really happy but really, inside I’ve always been yearning, “it’s never fun without my Onew, you know.” btw, 5 is a nice number. seriously, my Physics is super horrible and it’d be nice if you could teach me, since you’re super pro and smart and, so many things that it’s not even enough to list all of them in this thingy. I wish O Levels was sooner so that I can spend time with you and there's really lots of things that I'd like to do. unnie has to take care of three little sisters, one of them is you (:

oh yes and I promised to show you the Kpop magazine, didn’t I? and you said you’d call me and say out this phrase that you’d dare to say. (: no lah, I’m not scolding you. Just wanted to let you know that most probably all the fun stuff that we have to do might be pushed all the way to after O levels, even though there’s chances before Prelims but time’s just extremely squeezed and circumstances are forcing me to do so. Priorities must be set… even though we have different priorities… I want to give Onew as much breathing space that I think she wants. Furthermore, I think Onew needs all the time to study and prepare for O levels, so must have 100 percent focus, so no distractions right? I can’t spoon feed nonsensical stuff like spazzing, constantly showing a picture or two, talking about the latest gossip about some Kpop group, or just simply anything else... because it might affect my Onew’s grades and I really don’t want such things to happen. If my Onew gets a really good L1R5, a 6, I’ll be a really proud unnie. (:

that comes to another main point. because of that thing, sometimes I think, “am I a good unnie?” because my way of life is basically I equalize play and work, like 50 percent. So that’s why even though it’s just 5 days before Prelims but I still watch ZE:A and SHINee videos, and spazz to other people. But it’s super wrong to do that to someone who’d rather study and focus, like you, ne? (: I feel guilty for forcing through these negative things in your life, I really am. ): and furthermore I’m suppose to show you a good example but I think the opposite happens. the amount of gratefulness that I have for you, for showing me so many things and just spending many climaxed points of my life with me, teaching me new stuff and simply, opening my eyes to a new world out there...is infinite. how many times I wanted to say thank you but it just got stuck in my throat. I can't really voice out what's exactly in my heart most of the time and it gets me into trouble at times.

to the extent that I even personalized the font to make it more "personal". I'd always say to one of my friends "sigh I miss my Onew ):" ... it's because we haven't spend much time together. and being my Onew/twin/dongsaeng I don't think we should do that right? even though, I have only known you more, in detail, around April, but all the things you have done to me... I treasure every single one of the happy memories we spent together. and when I go through them, it just puts a smile on my face.

Onew, thank you for being such a wonderful friend for me. and really, so much more. I wished we could spend more time together, and I just really really wish that you know, someday I can be as good as you. my up moment hasn't come yet, I am waiting for it to arrive. probably you'd be busy to read the whole thing, or just skip the entire chunk of paragraphs and just zoom in on the pictures..or maybe you won't even see this post. yup, now that Prelims are over you will concentrate and focus one hundred percent on the O levels so really I don't want to give you distractions. hm...maybe this is the last long so-called letter until we see each other again, someday, after O levels maybe, I don't know... but I want to tell you something.

I want to tell you, that you will always be treasured. someone in my heart (: unnie is extremely blessed to have a dongsaeng, a little sis like you. and I want to tell you, that

25081988 (:

2010-08-25T00:00:00.001+08:00

happy birthday to Kwanghee oppa of ZE:A! saengil chukha hamnida! (:

last breath until the last turn.

2010-08-01T23:27:00.006+08:00

MINHO LOVES HER JONGHYUN :D
so, Minho will try to concentrate on her studies more and lessen the time on the computer. on hiatus until Prelims 2 ;) but she will still come by to just update herself on things.

but no matter what, FOREVER FIVE.

btw, something about 20star! 20star is an upcoming Kpop boy band who's making lots of hype because they are about to become the biggest boy band, beating SuJu who btw has 13 members. (I'm still counting them as 13.)
XENO, RICKY, DONGKYU, DAEYOUNG, LUIE, DOWON, JAEYOON, SEUNGTAE, HONGMIN(MIN), RYAN, SHINSONG, SHIHO, SANGMIN, HWAN, A-RUN, RUI, SEUNGHO, JINHAN ...that's all I know. and plans are made to have 20 members? come on I can just go :O so many members! it will be really hard to learn! I myself took more than 1 month trying to get the SuJu members and distinguishing them. ZE:A took me 2 months as far as I know and until now I still can't recognize some of the members at one glance. SNSD took me agaration 1 month. 20 members, it will deplete oxygen on stage and the stage has to be enlarged... each member will somemore have a shorter cut, and I think their pay's gonna be affected, as how Key explained to me last week. but let's see how they manage, cause they haven't debuted with any single yet.
and here's some of the members' pics :
http://www.hellokpop.com/2010/07/introducing-new-group-20star-bigger-than-super-junior/
Ricky reminds me of ZE:A's Dongjoon and A-Run looks cheena. NO OFFENCE. still, 20 members? well, life goes on.

try to catch me.

2010-07-29T20:20:00.004+08:00

생일축하합니다 or HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my awesome fantasticelastically brilliant KEY (키)! :D

even though we only know each other for a really short period of time but during that period I am really extremely blessed to have a friend like you. you showed me care and concern, and when I was down you were there for me (eh I think the last part is pretty obvious lah huh (: ) all those Kpop spazzing moments and my random burstings which you often attributed to Key oppa. the real Key -.- and...ah we did so many fun things together. and AH THE WINDMILL and its 2 leaves! btw it doesn't distract us lah PLEASE. there's some joy seeing it spin real fast because of 3 winds : front side side. oh and I hope you really liked my letter (: AH shoot I haven't replied your letter! okay I hope you like my birthday present, took me until 2.45 am lo. still ;) Key, I know you can do it, and I have faith in you. I have faith, belief and determination that you can do it. when there's rough times, there will surely be an iron hanging somewhere that can help you iron out the creases. but know this, I wanna help. and my Jonghyun wants to help too. not that you're bad, NO NEVER NEVER. but as a SHINee family~, we must help each other ne? okay this whole entire text sounds really familiar. sorry for the lack of originality ): okay Key, 사랑해요! (:

short rantings number 136

2010-07-24T16:47:00.003+08:00

SERIOUS, THAT'S TAEMIN?!?! wtf? so different! and WTH THERE'S NO RIGHT IN CALLING THE PHONE LIKE THAT, it's my right. copycat.

folie infinityy.

2010-07-23T23:09:00.002+08:00

have I ever said how much I love SHINee's Lucifer MV? :D and the number of times I watch the video is MUCH MUCH more than any SHINee MV. not even Ring Ding Dong. oh damn anyways.

I'm feeling joy in something that I usually don't feel joy in, or very little. in contrast, the thing that's suppose to make me happy brought about the exact opposite outcome. and I said, "this is a wonderful example of change." it's hard for me at first, but towards the end of the day I'm starting to adapt, and literally go-with-the-flow. it is hard to adapt to change at first. but if this is what is going to be good for me in the future, then so be it. and come to think of it, this new change has brought about positive outcomes. like positive influences and a higher sense of motivation to do things, and a higher sense of gratefulness. I am thankful.

my Jonghyun's really awesome by the way.
1. NEVER NEVER fails to cheer me up. even though someone can make me really sad for the day but I know in some way or another I'll get my smile back.
2. is an awesome friend; really really awesome. she helps others, and really shows care and concern. and she's there always.
3. helps me in my studies. sometimes when I'm stuck, she will help me.
4. rather than searching a solution for my problems, she makes me learn to go and find myself so that I become independent and not dependent on others. DIY in other words.
5. LOVES JONGHYUN like there's no tomorrow. she thinks the scene where Jonghyun's in the car in the Lucifer MV is freaking hot...which apparently I seem to agree with!

and I know my Key has potential. I know she does because I can see it. everything's there, just the ability to use these character values wisely and to their maximum potential! I have faith in my Key and I really believe that she can do it.

sometimes I wonder why I write about all these random things, especially about my SHINeefamily [term coined by my HOOBAE (: ]. but there's a reason; because these things have a connection with the events during the week of during that particular day in which I posted stuff. and it is normally something that is big, or affects me. I've finally, finally learned to not be bothered by the criticisms that other people make (and yes, I've found quite good examples that if this was an SEQ question and I provide these examples I think it will ricochet off A1.), especially after counselling. now I can SHUT THEM OFF! it is all a matter of simple filing cabinets and yellow folders containing memories, thoughts, and equations as well as facts and information.

there are some moments where I am just one dust particle close from saying stfu or fo. to people somemore. ah well, I don't think it's enough in some extreme cases...oh who cares anyway. I am not going to barricade my personality by some stupid thoughts or words, I'm going to let it shine. I no longer care, I am just going to machine gun everything away. (by the way the everything does not mean EVERYTHING! I use it for a particular group of things that I can't really describe it here.) nothing's going to stop. my dream is to see the willow finally grow, and stand straight, tall.

one more thought : let's call another group of things that I am about to refer in this paragraph as gold coins. and these are mine. obviously if someone steals, or makes a dent, or melt them to recast them into new, more value coins, I'll be pretty mad and pissed off. and I will try to defend. to some people, this is too much and over the top but who the bloody damn cares lah please. thiefs, vandals, robbers, people-that-make-damage, JUST STOP and get away! don't ruin the gold coins!

okay, here's the end. the paragraphs sound like someone that's really a little, over-there. but by using a little inference, the meaning's clear. obviously if the skills are not there then go read the SS textbook.

“Blinding ignorance does mislead us. O! Wretched mortals, open your eyes!”

monotonistically abhorrent.

2010-07-21T22:07:00.003+08:00

1. I cannot bear to see someone spiralling down into darkness helplessly. even though that someone's not that close. so I'm going to help, I'm going to throw an arm to save that person before it is too late. but if that person falls down into the hole, hopefully there will be enough common sense to figure out a way to climb out again.

2. Studying until 5 in the library with Jonghyun, bling bling, uh Sarah Tan and Phoebe, and Taemin and other people is really productive. sometimes I feel like bringing someone up there - the place is really good.

3. RACIAL HARMONY DAY! I got an Onew-Jonghyun-Minho picture just now :D and a 2min one! yay. furthermore I watched Lucifer loads of times today and I got a ZE:A picture and I recently found out that Constance likes ZE:A too. what a small world (:

4. I wish I could, but for some apparent reason I can't. I want but I hope. and I won't let go.

18071993 (:

2010-07-18T00:00:00.002+08:00

youngest member of SHINee,
SHINee's maknae and lead dancer,
Lee Taemin.

happy birthday Taemin oppa (:

instinct; light thrower.

2010-07-16T19:13:00.006+08:00

LISTEN UP LISTEN UP...
SHINee's new album is called Lucifer. nice name, but there's going to be a bit of controversy! anyways. wonderful! (((:

SHINEE'S NEW MV CAME OUT ALREADY!!
1. Taemin's look was MUCH better in the ending.
2. Minho's freaking hot, as usual -.-
3. Jonghyun's so wow! WOW! :D
4. I was a bit shocked about Key's hair at first, but it kinda worked here!
5. Onew looks SO SO DIFFERENT :D

conclusion : I CANNOT WAIT FOR THE FULL MV. super excited!! ((:

_____________________________________________________

BIG BANG - HARU HARU (DAY BY DAY)
I really really love this song.

btw, yesterday I thought I wouldn't be able to go back home with my Onew but because of some miracle, (: I managed to! but the trip was super short, what, 30 minutes only?!? sigh this is what happens when Prelims are coming and O Levels' coming too. oh wait that means I'd better go and mug. BUT ANYWAY, give me a break first! anyways, I showed her the SHINee medley that was really really nice. [I liked Ready Or Not (: ] and listened to 4minute's HuH (Hit Your Heart). actually I also had a lot of tuition homework, same as her (: bet she hasn't seen SHINee's new teaser yet. I'm sure she will LOVE it (:

OH, THANK YOU KEY for ordering Version A and the Onew file :D

I must really watch my feelings because in this period, it's the same as the reaction between sodium and any acid. example, sulphuric acid. an immediate reaction occurs, and there's nothing to turn it back. but then, some feelings are just common sense, while others are just pure amplification.
someone once told me that "when you have met someone that has made you happy, never let go." but as another person said, what if Y grabs hold, and really, really doesn't and cannot let go? it is then wiser to let go instead of walking around with a person hanging on Y's chains. it is better to treasure that "person who has made you happy" and life will be a bed of roses. and that way, we reflect and improve ourselves, and for some special cases restrain ourselves.

It is not only fate, to give up again and again
Although my heart remembers each parting deeply
A moment’s giving up turns into heavy burdens
I can never forget you;

_____________________________________________________________

"it is these small, minor or major problems that make a friendship grow stronger, right?"
"friendships are oh so precious, though there are bound to be ups and downs along the way (:"

"I didn't expect to start crying when I turned on the computer tonight."

"during Mother Tongue, cause I was so bored, I just wrote this on my foolscap paper."

these are some of the quotes that I think is quite memorable.

maybe I'll just lie low for a while and be independent. I'll go myself, and each time at that place, I'll be alone for now. 3 chairs empty, one chair full. with books and things and my blueish best friend staring at me...it's time to be independent. someone once told me that. so now, I will walk the path alone until I feel that time is of the right frame of mind. at the same time, I'll improve my English, which of course is a good thing :D but yes, alone there I go. build my own boat and sail it alone. I don't want to be a burden to other people, and affect other feelings just because of my selfish reactions and opinions. it has happened so many times, one time very recently, and now I just sit and think, why the bloody heck did I do such a thing. time can heal all wounds, and I'm putting faith in that quote. this self-inflicted wound, I want to heal by myself. no one is to blame for it. I have been pulling a corpse around, as a result of my actions, dragging it around with a rope that might fray anytime. rather than carry on the journey, I would rather cut the rope, and give the corpse a proper burial, with tombstone and flowers. then... after that it's all simply up to fate.

now I'll rest and wake up to a brand new day, on a brand new journey. somehow, I hope it will work. shut off from a necessity, staring at words, working my heart and brain off. mian haeyo;

"come here!"

2010-07-14T21:06:00.006+08:00

so the really awesome topic of "productivity" crops up starting this week. I should go and study study study! then I'll get really awesome results and that will be like the fly swatter that kills flies with little splatters of blood. it doesn't mean anything, just that it suddenly cropped in my mind.
thanks to something, my mind is currently blinking up, and really recharged. but it's undergoing reshuffling and restructuring. thanks to that something, I found out that sometimes I have no choice but to put my foot down. thanks to that something, I've gained more motivation to do the things that I should really do. so in a way, that something brought both good things and bad things to me.

"in a way, it is like mozzarella cheese on a pizza - get a grip, but can't let go until a really, long way."

btw my Jonghyun and I wants to go to the same JC. YAY THEN LET'S DO IT. (and we can start calling each other cool names and chase each other with windmill sticks and just sing Number 1 by 2AM :D ooh and Seulong oppa's cute! :P)

paper bag ventilation.

2010-07-08T18:14:00.002+08:00

I was in class, busy doing the Congruence and Similarity worksheet when suddenly tp went and put a small white laptop and guess what was there :O THE PICTURE!!!!! thank you so much! and ZE:A's comeback coming really really soon! woots (: and then I was in the library with bling bling and I went up to get a Chem guide/book when I saw TAEMIN ! and I ran up the stairs and asked "omgiddy did you see the pic? he looks freaking hot!" and she said something about Onew and Jonghyun's look (: yay both of us can't wait! off to tell my Onew and Jonghyun! wait, Onew's in tuition, later I go disturb her :P

in case, wondering, haha it has a deeper meaning (: can't wait! but the clue is, SHINee is BACK.

can't see the circles.

2010-07-07T22:25:00.003+08:00

end of story, ya dah, whatever, so what.
BUT NO, IT'S JUST the freaking beginnning. the dreaded Os -.- I took the car keys and drove the car already. I really want to go to the pit stop, but I can't, because I have to move on, and on.

btw, ZE:A's new racing concept ROCKS :D somehow Taehun's hair is weird but I like. and Dongjun's still HOT and AWESOME. Kwanghee's also WOW (: but Leader Junyoung went through a drastic change to his hair I think, I saw during the teaser photos. and Kevin dyed his hair blonde also right? I like Hyungshik's look too.

I'll go, on this path and just go on and on. accelerate, don't stop can't stop. it's always moving forward, never backwards. and on the way I'm going to pick people up, because I can't bear to see them suffer on the way, and I really wanna help. but then, I need my own crew. and when I think again, this is a one-man show that is bringing positive results.

I'll go, I'll grab on and never let go. must be focused, and gotta ch-ch-ch-change. I want to conquer my own personal mountain, because there are some bonds that I have right now that I can never bear to break. and stick a flag there, and call it mine. the race, it the the last turn and street, last lap. let's run this together. the gunshot's far behind, the echo's ringing. but I, still running on this track. to PERSEVERE, FOCUS and AIM for that one, last red ribbon that's going to be the most challening ever.

shut up, keep negative comments to oneself. why let other people mold chess pieces for me that can end up deformed, when I might as well do myself? don't stop believing, and show that it is time. at the end, those big white wings are going to cause pain.

by the way, the above paragraphs are somehow a reflection of today. they also show what I want to do, and my personal opinions on things that had happened. unfortunately, it's in a weird, mixed up delusional language that only few people can understand - but which is good.

"I'm going to be stronger;"

side note: I want Germany Mesut Özil's T-shirt, Japan Keisuke Honda's T-shirt and Korea Republic Park Ji Sung's T-shirt. (:

if I could just write on a lorry...

2010-07-05T13:29:00.005+08:00

I'm doing something that might seem as really dangerous; but it's for the benefit of my future, and my other friends, and for my self-esteem. also, for my personal benefit as well. it's going to be intensive, and if I faint, I'm ready.

btw, I made this myself.(:
"ON the desk! a cockroach! EW!"

"JOjo's playiNG again and again in my Head. " "but Y.o.U. rocks, No?"

"omgiddy, the KEYboard in your house is awesome."

"Me? IN the chemistry lab just now? HO ho ho, you must be wrong."

"TAngent cosine sine .... argh, EMaths Is easier! my trigoNometry sucks!"

to my ONEW, JONGHYUN and TAEMIN (OH and KEY):
this year is our O Levels, ne? study hard, FOCUS, concentrate! of course you can digress, but make sure to always go back to the path! especially with SHINee's comeback and tons of Kpop stuf happening during this period. plus World Cup and YOG but that's a different story! anyways. (sigh I should really be getting back to Geog but unfortunately I digressed ALOT. that's so contradictory D:) for the past few years of my schooling life in Cedar, especially after I started LOVING SHINEE ♥, you guys have been really awesome! for example, when I was down, you will always be there, showing care and concern even though it might take away some of your precious time that can very well might be used for other things. and the JOY we had spazzing about our BELOVED SHINEE OPPAS :D btw, they are really awesome and cute, ne? sigh, all the happy memories that we have... the next few seconds, days, weeks, and months will be challenging, with many obstacles that can easily wear us out. so, persevere, continue to SHINE and FIGHTING!~

honestly, you guys have been a source of motivation for me. I've treasured my life more, and I feel more joy in doing the daily things in life (although well, sometimes I go a little off course...) and I want to thank you all. for being like SHINing stars. even though our friendship might not be that long (yup, especially,) but to me it is not about how long I've known the person, but it is the impact that the person has made to me. the small nice, kind gestures really goes a long way. and I really appreciate it. so, kamsa hamnida for everything single thing that you have done. once again, you guys rock! (:

this year's going to be the Year Of Us and we're going to show, that we can do it. and so, we are. 사링해요 ♥ and here's a picture for you!

list number 275.

2010-06-30T23:10:00.002+08:00

1. I initially wanted to buy another SHINee file from Comic Connections to replace the damaged one that I have, but ended up buying a ZE:A file that is REALLY nice! :D
2. I LOVE ZE:A's new concept about the racers. cause Dongjun looks SO DIFFERENT, and Kevin and Junyoung. but the pic's a little small, can't see Kwanghee, who's the member that I really like with Dongjun!
3. THIS ONE MADE ME GO EXCITED, really excited and I couldn't breathe. MINHO'S NEW HAIR ROCKS CAN! I can't wait to show Taemin and Onew. I mean the ones in my school lah. and I love Taemin's hair! tp said tomorrow they are going to release the details for the comeback tomorrow and I CAN'T WAIT. :D
4. ZE:A comeback coming soon! sigh I must save up money...and pay for the Onew file also.
5. but I have to CONCENTRATE on my studies. THAT, is a real challenge. but with the motivation and advice of people that care, example...(:
6. my JONGHYUN cannot wait for SHINee's new single. cause she's been charmed by Ring Ding Dong :D yup, I got a Jonghyun. (:
7. kamsa hamnida to my HOOBAE because she always gives me motivation. oh, I'm going to tell her about the SHINee and ZE:A comeback thingy (:
8. KCB is on now on RCTI. (:
9. I have to do a LOT of things today and tomorrow and the weeks onwards.
10. I have a worry, that is really worrying. I need help.

angles, angles, angles!

2010-06-27T00:21:00.004+08:00

but why, does, at times, all it takes is a little scratch,
that goes a long way - and in the end there's a gaping hole?
well, this world is really full of twists, scandals, turns, betrayals, changing personalities, miracles, disappoinments, and more than that. and sometimes, when we can't catch up, all hell breaks loose.

sigh apparently I was wondering about life, and just basically everything after something struck through my mind. it was really sad, and disappointing, such that not even Haru Haru can cure this wound. sometimes it is best to leave fate and destiny to work their stuff and as for us, leave it to The One, and just let go. of course, not to an extent that we become super lazy and just don't care about anything.

by the way, although I already typed a post about my hoobae but DAMN, she's awesome! and thank you for the note, it was sweet (: kamsa hamnida! (: my Onew said that she and Key oppa is currently building 21st century armour so that I won't get injured again. especially after the Batam trip where I got 3 cuts, knee pain and bashed my hip!

Monday is going to be the start of a warpath, and unfortunately there will be victims along the way, (but I hope not.) the start of letting the inner fire, the start of just showing that dumb people aren't that dumb. and, the start of a new beginning (:

silent humm...

2010-06-20T23:01:00.003+08:00

I recently came back from Batam (: could say it was good I suppose, if not for the fact that I keep worrying about Prelims 2 and O Levels and my uncompleted homework -.- but anyways. I didn't get a new pair of shoes/sandals/flats/slippers/footwear, which was one of my objectives there, and neither did I managed to check out the new Detective Conan comics (or whether there WERE any in the first place) but I did get my new The Titans CD :D and Ketika Cinta Bertasbih + Ketika Cinta Bertasbih 2 !

I even got a Korean pop magazine which came with a free DVD (that somehow doesn't work in my com because the Bonamana MV and Tell Me Goodbye MV hanged.) wells. but the contents were really interesting, especially the interview with ZE:A and FT Island. and the printing quality, I really like ^_^

but it was really nice when my hoobae replied (: after a long journey, even though the content of the sms was short, but it was really nice. (:
OOH AND BY THE WAY my TP smsed me and said that she got the file already. kamsa hamnida! (:

We were so in love back then
Now you're listening to what they say
Don't go that way

I love Demi Lovato's Remember December. (:

haven't we been on a roller coaster ride. high maximum points, our breaths we just held, waiting for the moment to be over. when our emotions were sky high, rocketing above any humane levels. the euphoria, it wasn't of a limit to a simple cauldron brewed in any ordinary Potions lesson. and then there were the downs, when our hearts sank and tears were on the brink of appearing. we'd thought it'd be prolonged.

okay this is just a random ranting that actually has meaning.

today there were some memorable quotes.
"your shining SHINee bling studs (:" ~HOOBAE :D

"16 days to SHINee's comeback!"
"HUH REALLY? what's the day now?!?" ~TP (:

"sometimes we have to act how people want us to act, and sometimes we have to act the way people stereotype us, and sometimes we just want to scream and break out." ~this is from me. (:

"for 5 seconds I have hope that I was as tall as you! damn it." ~this is from me too, to Jes. ;)

"so how now? he's good right? he's funny right? he's nice right?" ~Bling Bling, HAHA :P

"you've grown shorter!"
"NO HOW DARE YOU INSULT ME."
"oh then I must be growing taller!" ~Bling Bling again (:

okay I'm going to charge my MP4 and complete the Physics paper thingy. urgh, insomnia.

3 yellow, black, red.

2010-06-16T16:41:00.000+08:00

mazeltov ♫ ;

2010-06-15T21:34:00.004+08:00

HOOBAE! :D
okay today I'm going to type a post for YOU. (: well basically is to express my million thanks for being an awesome, fantasticelastic hoobae. ((:

1. I can just sms ANYTIME or contact you and I'll definitely get a reply or respond or whatever. so all those happy moments and memories that I have at school at home, I can just share with you with the feeling that I know that you DO care and will share the joy with me also, even though you might be tired or stressed or whatever.

2. when I'm down, I can turn to you because I know you care and I know you're an awesome listening ear, where I can just scream out my problem and you'd still listen, no matter how upset or angry I am. for example, just now (: and you will give sound and appropriate advice to me. that is something that I'm really grateful about. no matter how pissed off or how stressed, you are always there.

3. I can talk about ANYTHING under the sun...with you, hoobae! not only about SHINee but how blue really suits my room. (lol :P) or how sometimes I will get really frustrated about something, or about my ideal guy. I did told you that didn't I? (: no matter how ridiculous the issue is, you'll still provide your opinion about it. which I like. (:

4. there's SO MANY AWESOME THINGS about you. like you're really optimistic! to me. and I remember you sent a really nice sms saying thank you to me which I still keep, and the drawing/writing of the Kpop groups! [eh you missed MBLAQ. but still. (: ] and you teach me loads of stuff like new Korean words and the latest gossip about whoever, like I think the time when you told me that Zuno was coming here, or about the SEA Awards...damn, you are a REALLY AWESOME friend and hoobae. and I'm so glad, and blessed to have met you via SFI. kamsa hamnida, for being a really, great A.Mi.Go. :D

and for you, here's something...

I KNOW YOU LIKE DBSK. so here's a picture of them for you! SM Town daebak :D

all's well that ends well.

2010-06-15T00:09:00.004+08:00

I'm looking at my one week best friend on the floor and then it dawned on me that I have to let go from tomorrow onwards. luckily I took some photos of the memories that we had (: but still. sigh, my heart's sinking just thinking of it. ): oh wells. there were many nice memories we had together, didn't we? and with the photobook that Tan and I split. especially the time when I freaked out because vines don't grow vertically in the air but they grow attached with the tree. and the time when Gee NEARLY became Glee. but I saved it. -.- goodbye :/

curse on the glass!

2010-06-13T23:24:00.003+08:00

damn I wish there's a giant bottle of motivation + energy + brainpower juice in my cabinet. and a giant straw. damn damn damn, bloody - .I really need to move on and focus more, and not get paranoid by this particular thought of mine. ~touch wood~ but I'm feeling and reething.

damn it.

it is, NEVER hard.

2010-06-11T21:52:00.003+08:00

생일축하합니다 to my awesome fantasticelastic brilliant wonderful 온유 (Onew), also know as my 쌍둥이 [TWIN(:] !!!

Happy sweet sixteenth to you! (: yup I know it's a little too late to say this cause it's like 10 plus now. but anyway. did you get loads of presents? well, your present is like rotting away in my room and collecting dust! (eh but I clean it everyday.) you have been an awesome friend to me and when I'm down you're always there, especially during the Physics test thingy. I was really touched when you called that time. and I LOVE YOUR BIRTHDAY PRESENT! (: I really love the Minho photo collage that you gave me! I'm really really proud of what you have achieved so far and I'm really grateful and thankful for what you have done for me. eh you're also damn pro okay. 9 for L1R5 :D yay (: you cheered me up like TONS of times. and you're always there for me!(eh wait I think I repeated that already.)

사랑해요 ! as your twin and Minho, I love you! (: [and our dear Flaming Charisma loves you too (: ]

2010-06-10T22:58:00.002+08:00

bloody -. I am damn pissed off, damn stressed. white hair is going to spread all over my scalp. but the stress is close to 90% - now I have to reshuffle the puzzle pieces that has been carefully structured. PLUS, wait for a star to drop from the sky. and there's a sky high chance that I won't really enjoy my World Cup tomorrow.

damn it.

leather gloves ta-dah.

2010-06-10T18:33:00.002+08:00

what I just laughed at this video. and then I remembered back when I was in primary school, Denise would say these 7 bad words that I thought was really, clever back then (: too bad I forgot what those words were.

okayy..World Cup is TOMORROW! (((:
and so is my twin's birthday (:. her birthday gift is rotting away and slowly starting to be filled with dust! I'm sure she's going to be shocked on what I'm going to give to her. (:

Pi, casa!

2010-06-08T13:19:00.002+08:00

I took all these pictures from weareshining.wordpress.com .
anyway, today's post, I'm going to post some of my favourite SHINee pictures from my "collection." (:

ah, the eyes! :D I love them. (:

I like Jonghyun's look here, it's quite cute. (:

this is one of the early pics they took. and I like Minho's look here :D AND THE SMILE.

oh my giddy ONEW AND HIS CHICKEN. (:

aww isn't Taemin our adorable maknae, cute here? (:

I took all these pictures from weareshining.wordpress.com . (:

why can't I see.

2010-06-01T19:12:00.002+08:00

ZE:A - ALL DAY
My love is gone....이젠 널.... 잊을래

너를 잊어, 잊어버려. 너를 지워, 지워버려.
너를 잊어, 잊어버려. 너를 지워, 지워버려.

너를 사랑한게 너무나도 후회가 돼, 왜 나만 이렇게도 아파하는지,
내 모든 걸 다 준게 후회가 돼, 니가 미워져 미워져 날 떠나가지마.

빌 어먹을 그대가 지워지지 않아. 빌어먹을 니 모습 자꾸 떠올라.
빌어먹을 눈물이 마르지 않아. 바보같이 니 생각만 해. 하루종일
빌어먹을, 내 삶에 그댄 전부가 되었지, 바로 오늘, 내 손에 너와 함께한 추억에,
찢겨진 사진을 보며 눈물 흘려도 그대는 저 멀리 가네, 날 두고 떠나버렸네.

모든 걸 지워버려, 모든 걸 잊어버려, 나의 맘 속에 널 고이 묻어버려.
나 바보같이 너만 사랑한만큼, 내 걱정은 하지말고 Baby, go and live your life.

너 를 사랑한게 너무나도 후회가 돼, 왜 나만 이렇게도 아파하는지,
내 모든 걸 다 준게 후회가 돼, 니가 미워져 미워져 날 떠나가지마.
빌어먹을 그대가 지워지지 않아. 빌어먹을 니 모습 자꾸 떠올라.
빌어먹을 눈물이 마르지 않아. 바보같이 니 생각만 해. 하루종일

그대는 지금 어디에 뭘하고 있는지, 그대는 지금 잘 살고 있는지,
내가 아니라도 행복하게 해줄 사람은 많은데 왜 나만 이렇게 아픈지.

내 맘은 아직도 그댈 원해. I'm still in your luv.
내 맘은 아직도 사랑해. You're still in ma mind.
내 맘은 아직도 그댈 원해. You're still in ma heart.
혼자 남겨져 이렇게 울고만 있어.

너를 사랑한게 너무나도 후회가 돼, 왜 나만 이렇게도 아파하는지,
내 모든 걸 다 준게 후회가 돼, 니가 미워져 미워져 날 떠나가지마.
빌어먹을 그대가 지워지지 않아. 빌어먹을 니 모습 자꾸 떠올라.
빌어먹을 눈물이 마르지 않아. 바보같이 니 생각만 해. 하루종일

너를 잊어, 잊어버려. 너를 지워, 지워버려.
너를 잊어, 잊어버려. 너를 지워, 지워버려.

바보같이 하루종일....

translation can be found here :
http://whitecupidwithwings.blogspot.com/2010/03/zea-all-day-lyricromajihangultranslatio.html